Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The Salesman, Denver Max

The Salesman,

Denver Max





By: Chris Fox

Transcribed from: “Salesman, Denver Max” by The Blood Brothers.

Off of the album: ...Burn, Piano Island, Burn.




Did you ever meet Denver Max?

Denver Max was a man, like any other. He lived down the road from you. Did you know him? Maybe you did. It wasn't as if Denver Max was a shut in; on the contrary, Denver Max was quite the socialite. This doesn't go to say that Denver Max was the most outgoing person in the community, but he had his collection of friends and acquaintances. Maybe you were one of them.

Did you know him? Maybe you did. Denver Max could be seen throughout the town. He frequented the places you frequent: he shopped at your grocery store; he sent and received mail with the same mail carrier as you; he walked in your park; he bought a cup of coffee at the same Starbucks; he thought the coffee was burnt as well.

Did you know him? Maybe you did. Denver Max was your neighbour. Or maybe he lived just down the block, or the street, or on the other side of the neighbourhood. You've seen him though. You've seen him taking a stroll down the sidewalk - he was the man that waved at you. You've seen him washing his car - he was the man who flashed you a smile as you walked your dog. You've seen him driving down the road - he was in that car you didn't recognize, but know you've seen before. You've seen him in the park - he was taking a walk while the kids played soccer. You've seen him at the gym - he was the man who patiently waited for you to finish using the treadmill. You've seen him; Denver Max is a nice man.

Did you know him? Maybe you did. Maybe you even spoke to him? He had a quiet but deep voice. His voice sounds like a raspy viola, and was soothing in a off-kilter way. He spoke long and fluid, and was very eloquent. Maybe you even knew his first name? His first name wasn't hard to forget. Everyone remembers a name like Denver; if you can remember the capital of Colorado, you can remember Denver Max. Maybe you even knew where he lived? He lived in the house with the very light brown bricks, around the corner on Beach Street, even though there are no beaches in Arizona. It was a modest suburban home - not large, but not small - perfect for a bachelor of his age. Maybe you even knew how old he was? He never liked to admit it, but he was thirty-one years old. He would never lie to anyone who asked though; Denver Max was such an honest man.

Did you know him? Maybe you did. Maybe you remember what he looked like. He had light brown hair and green eyes. His nose was long, and his jawline somewhat short. He was lanky, and it seemed as if he was not eating healthy. But he was well formed, his muscles toned; Denver Max was such a strong man.

Did you know him? Maybe you did. Maybe you even knew how helpful he was? He was always willing to volunteer his time in community efforts. When that private company was going around the neighbourhood, trying to get people to agree to natural gas drilling, he was the first to help with the petition against it. Maybe you even have something of his? In the big annual neighbourhood garage sale, Denver Max always had the strangest, quirkiest, and most interesting curiosities for sale.

Did you know him? Maybe you did. Maybe you even know what his job was? Surely you knew what his job was! Denver Max was a door-to-door salesman. Oh yes, the good ol' friendly face of Denver Max, professionally dressed in his black suit on those sweltering summer days, standing on your doormat, ringing your doorbell. Such a nice man, who was so dedicated to wander the neighbourhood in his dress shoes, with his quaint briefcase, a smile on his face, the salesman, Denver Max, right at your doorstep.

Did you know him? Maybe you did. Maybe you even remember what he sold? Cameras. The salesman, Denver Max, sold high end camera equipment: tripods, fisheye lenses, Polaroid cameras, underwater lens gear, cable releases, Holgas, expired film, custom made pinhole cameras; Denver Max had everything you ever needed, as far as cameras went. Shockingly, his equipment was high in demand throughout the town. He procured some cameras that you would never be able to find anywhere else. Furthermore, Denver Max developed photos from his home. He had a darkroom in his basement, and slaved under the red lights to make some of the best quality photographs you could find. He developed them in any size you wanted, and though he was a little pricey compared to your local drug store, he guaranteed your satisfaction, and never failed to deliver.

Did you know him? Maybe you did. Maybe you know that he is famous? Well, that he was famous, but I'm sure you understand. Maybe you even saw the time when he appeared in the local newspaper, on the front page? Maybe you even remember the article, and the accompanying national news broadcasts that aired on television soon after? Maybe you remember all the media that milled about town right after the event? Maybe that old article is lying around here somewhere.

Did you know him? Maybe you did. Maybe you knew Denver Max. Maybe you knew that fateful story of the salesman, Denver Max. Maybe you know about Lisa Whitney, and about Jessica Thompson. Maybe you know about the secret of this neighbourhood. Then again, maybe not. But maybe you remember that article; that news article must be around here somewhere. But while we look around for it, in these dusty boxes in a lonely attic of a desert suburban home, you can hear the story again.

Once, several years ago - I think it was in August - Denver Max - the salesman, Denver Max - woke up. There was a ding-ding-dong at the doorbell of his quiet home. Denver was sipping his coffee that Tuesday. Denver Max was taking the day off today, so he was able to enjoy his morning coffee as the hum of the television from the next room left him in a daze. Ding-ding-dong, again. How obnoxious, thought Denver. "Now, now, don't get frustrated. Today will be a good day. Entertain your guest," Denver said to himself. He was dressed sharply, as always, in a nice, white, button up shirt with a plain tie, and slacks. He was ready for visitors.

Ding-ding-dong sang the doorbell as Denver took his coffee mug with him to the front door. Denver glanced through the peep-hole, but couldn't recognize the couple who stood at the front door. The man wore a baseball cap, and mumbled inaudibly to a woman in what appeared to be a bright green floral dress. Denver opened the door.

"Hey there, neighbour!" hollered the over-jovial man in the Diamondbacks ball-cap. His name was... Yes, it was Kelley... yes, Spencer Kelley, and his wife was Margaret Kelley. They had three children already in college, and one baby, still in the crib. They had Denver over for dinner several times. They were not regular customers, but they took a lot of photographs - mostly of their college students and baby pictures - nothing terribly exciting - but Denver remembered that Mr. Kelley had his way with a camera; he was by no means a professional, but the photos were rarely blurred. It was little things like no blurred pictures on a roll of film that perked up Denver's smile more than usual.

"Hello there, Mr. Kelley," said Denver. "Hello Mrs. Kelley. How are you both doing?"

"Splendid, Denver, splendid," said Mrs. Kelley. "Please, Denver, call me Margaret."

"We're doin' fine, my good man. How are you? I'm surprised I haven't seen you all dressed up and trottin' about the neighbourhood," said Mr. Kelley.

"Not today, Mr. Kelley..."

"Spencer, please, partner," interrupted Mr. Kelley.

Denver hated when he was interrupted, but continued, "I'm taking the next few days off. It's a little tradition I have. I take the week of my birthday off."

"Denver!" cried Mrs. Kelley, "You never said your birthday was this week! have you been hiding in this house of yours, not inviting anyone over?" she said sarcastically.

"Basically. I like my birthdays low key. After thirty years, I don't see much fuss in birthday parties."

"When was your birthday, pal?" asked Mr. Kelley.

"Sunday."

"Well you should've told someone, you ol' son-of-a-gun!"

"Yes, we would have been delighted to do something for you," Mrs. Kelley said.

"It has been nice and relaxing though," Denver continued. "But by no means am I not working. I'm still developing photographs. I assume that's why you dropped by."

"Readin' my mind again, chum," said Mr. Kelley. "We have a few more from the kids, and of Diana."

"Oh, adorable Diana," Mrs. Kelley said, somewhere between sheer amazement and a bragging, "she took her first steps the other day. Oh, it was simply adorable! We were so lucky that Spencer had the camera handy."

"I've learned to keep that thing where we can find it in moments. Kodak moment, y'know."

"Believe me, I know," Denver said, only a little impatiently. "Please, come in, sir - ma'am. I have some coffee in the kitchen, and you can make yourself at home while I see what you have today."

"Why thank you, Denver!" Mrs. Kelley said with obligation.

"Only if it's Folgers," hollered Mr. Kelley with a guffaw. Denver let the couple in, and they made their way toward the living room, the television still on. The couple mumbled something about the morning news program that was on while Denver reached into the urn beside his front door. At the bottom of the urn was a keyring with a single brass key. He took it, shut and locked the front door, and turned toward the kitchen. Before entering the kitchen, he unlocked the basement door with the brass key, making absolutely sure to pocket the key.

Denver was always looking for the most efficient way to do things. So naturally, he realized how much more efficient it would be to get his stock photographs from the basement. He opened the basement door and made his way downstairs. Click went the light switch, and the eerie red glow dimly illuminated the room. Denver usually admired the photographs that lined all of the walls, or the photos developing on the wire above his desk, but not now. He was in a hurry. Denver wanted to get the couple out of his house so he could go about his business. He opened his filing cabinet, took out all the sizes of mock-ups he thought the Kelleys would be interested in, and returned upstairs. Denver made sure to lock the door on his way out.

Denver filled two coffee mugs with his brew and awkwardly carried them, his own mug, and the stock photos into the living room. "Denver, pal!" Mr. Kelley said loudly, "Don't stress yourself over us. Let me take those mugs from you... there we go. Thank you so much, buddy."

"Yes, thanks a lot, Denver. It smells wonderful."

Denver neatly arranged the stock photos on the coffee table as the television mumbled something about war efforts, and the entire room sipped coffee. The Kelleys soon after offered their five rolls of film, and discussed the sizes they preferred. After their business was settled, some small talk was talked, and fifteen minutes passed, the Kelleys had decided.

"Thank you, so much, Denver. We love to have someone in the neighbourhood that develops photographs. We wouldn't trust anyone else with our pictures," said Mrs. Kelley, taking her last sip of coffee.

"You're very welcome ma'am. I'll call you when I've finished developing them. I still have your number. Excuse me if it takes a little while; as I said, I'm not in a particular rush this week."

"Take all the time you need, buddy," Mr. Kelley said.

"Yes, we prefer quality over quantity," Mrs. Kelley said happily. The Kelleys began to get ready to leave while Denver took the coffee mugs into the kitchen, putting them next to it. He would was them later. Denver turned from the kitchen to meet the couple at the front door to wish them off. He hadn't expected Mr. Kelley to be standing where he was, in the hallway leading to the kitchen, right by the basement door.

"Oh, sorry sir. I didn't realize you were there."

"No, my fault, neighbour," Mr. Kelley said, "But hey, I had a question, pal. I kind of wanted to know what went into developing film." Where was the brass key? Where was the basement key?! Oh, there it was, in Denver's pocket. Deep breath... "Any chance I could have a look-see at your little office? Down there?"

How did this man know Denver developed his film in the basement? No matter, don't question it. "I'm sorry, sir..."

"Spencer, chum, call me Spencer," Mr. Kelley interrupted.

"Spencer... Mr. Kelley, my... office is a mess right now. You wouldn't want to see it."

"Oh Denver, you rascal! My office at work is a pigsty. It doesn't matter. I'm just curious, pal. Let's see it." He is reaching for the door! He is reaching toward the doorknob! He is touching the doorknob! He is turning the doorknob!

"Sir, please! Mr. Kelley... I mean, Spencer," Denver stuttered, "I'm just very self-conscious about it. I promise, though, that I'll get it cleaned up, and when you come to get your pictures, you can have a 'look-see.'"

"Very protective!" Mr. Kelley said loudly, "But I like that! Shows pride in one's work - like there's something special that not anyone can see. I like your style, neighbour." Denver hurried Mr. Kelley to the door. "Well, thanks again, Denver. It's a big help."

"Yes, Denver. We know you'll do a fabulous job, as always," said Mrs. Kelley.

"You're very welcome. Goodbye." Denver quickly shut the door. He hurried back to the hallway, jerking the doorknob. Locked - whew. Denver applauded himself for remembering to lock the door. He took out his brass key and unlocked it once more. Denver took the film down the rickety wooden steps into his basement. As he reached the bottom steps, he smiled broadly. He knew he had seen his most recent favourite photograph on the wall out of his peripheral vision. But now wasn't the time to admire. Denver put the film cartridges in his small refrigerator, filled with different photograph orders, as well as his own personal photographs.

Denver made his way up the rickety stairs, smiling again as he saw the photograph in his periphery. He locked the basement door with the brass key. He entered the kitchen, took one last gulp of coffee, and washed all the mugs. He turned off the television, put on his classy black shoes, and dropped his brass key in the urn. He left the house, locking it on the way out. He hopped into his dusty, maroon BMW and drove off.

Denver enjoyed driving around the neighbourhood. It was usually such a quiet, subdued place, and the loudest noise was the choir of dogs that barked in unison when people walked too near to their yard. But it was summer vacation; the children were taking the neighbourhood by storm, with their footballs, and soccer balls, and basketballs, and tag-you're-it's, and hide-and-go seek's, and their jump ropes, and their hopscotch, and their marco-polo's, and their skateboards, and their bikes.

Denver almost hit a ball that bounced playfully across the road in front of him. The car squeeled slightly as he avoided hitting it. The child responsible for kicking it into the road was a young, black haired girl with a short denim skirt and pink shirt. The young Asian girl profusely muttered apologies to Denver, none of which he could hear with his windows rolled up and his air conditioning on. She quickly scampered and picked up the ball, running back to the safety of the yard as Denver smiled and waved at her. He drove on.

National Avenue. It wasn't an avenue by any means, but they chose the name because the road was a pretty cul-de-sac near the golf course with some very nice houses dotting this area of the neighbourhood. 1230 National Avenue. That was Denver's destination.

One last look in the mirror. How did Denver look? His eyes were a little saggy - he had been staying up late too consistently, but that would be fine. Was Denver already growing back his beard? No, just his imagination. Was his breath as terrible as he thought it was? Nonsense - it never mattered how many times went to a new house like this, he was always nervous. Denver grabbed his briefcase and brought it to the front seat. A couple down the street kissed each other romantically before the man hopped in his expensive car and drove past Denver.

It was time. Denver got out of the car and strolled up the sidewalk that led to the front door of 1230 National Avenue. His heart was racing, but he knew this was normal too. The salesman, Denver Max, was confident. This would be easy, as always.

Ding-dong, as Denver pressed the doorbell politely. He straightened his posture and tried to look more professional. No answer. Ding-dong, again. This happened sometimes - the houses he visited would be wary of answering the door. But normally, someone answered after a moment. This was a friendly community. Ding-dong. There were no cars in the driveway... but Denver expected that. Finally, the blinds of the window to Denver's right moved, and Denver knew he was being inspected. He smiled at the window, and calmly knocked on the screen door.

After a few more moments, the locks began unlocking. One lock... two lock... surprisingly, even a third deadbolt. Then the white front door opened. There stood a young girl. Her name was Lisa Whitney. She was fifteen years old, had long blonde hair that ran to her back between her shoulder blades, eyes that changed in the light, sometimes light blue, sometimes green, sometimes a light-blue gray. She was a straight A student, member of the yearbook committee, and was going to try and apply for a position on the student council next year. Lisa enjoyed talking on the phone with her friends, running track, and reading fashion magazines, as well as shopping at the mall for the latest styles. Today, Lisa was wearing a gray and blue plaid skirt with knee high socks and tennis shoes, along with a similarly coloured gray and blue striped low-cut shirt.

"I'll call you back," Lisa said to the phone in her hands. Beep. Silence... only the sound of distant children playing drifted through the air as Lisa, the young 15 year old girl and Denver, the aging 31 year old man, stared awkwardly at each other.

Lisa was unamused. "Um, yes? Can I help you?" she asked impatiently.

"Oh yes, I'm sorry," Denver said. "Hello, my name is Max. Denver Max. What is your name?"

Lisa simply stared at him. "Um, like... what do you want?"

"Oh yes, well, you see, I'm a salesman, and I was just dropping by. What's your name? I didn't catch it."

Lisa looked strangely at Denver, not sure what to say. "My name's Lisa."

"Lisa," Denver said, "that's a very pretty name. Are your parents home, Lisa?"

"No. They leave for work early. Doesn't everyone?" Lisa said.

"Oh, that's too bad. I really wanted to catch them today."

"What do you sell?" Lisa asked curiously.

"Well, I sell camera equipment. Many different types of cameras," Denver said, raising his briefcase, "among other things. Do you like photography, Lisa?"

"Depends." Lisa seemed bored already, "I have a camera, but it's nothing special."

"That's interesting. Could I see it?"

"I'd rather not go get it. Actually, I was on the phone. My parents will be back later, like, at five or around then anyway. Maybe you can come back then. Bye..." Lisa was closing the door.

"Wait!" Denver said, and Lisa waited. "Sorry, and I understand. I will come back later. But that is an absolutely amazing outfit you have their."

Lisa glanced down at herself. "It's nothing special really."

"On the contrary. See, Lisa, I make most of my money selling camera equipment. But I also happen to be a professional photographer for a magazine. Have you heard of Sixteen Magazine?"

"Of course!" Lisa said with excitement. Apparently this was a high point of conversation for her, "I love it! I just got the August issue three days ago."

"That's cool," Denver said. "That was the day before my birthday. Well, Lisa, I happen to be a freelance photographer for Sixteen Magazine. In the magazine, we feature lots of models posing on sets, and trying to look beautiful and all that. But we're doing an article either in September or October about what our readers are actually wearing. Not models, but everyday people. And since that outfit looks amazing on you, I was wondering if I could take a few pictures?"

Lisa pondered the options. "Would I be in the issue?"

"Hopefully! It's a great outfit - the best I've seen in the last couple weeks. Sixteen is going to pick the best of the best, but I think you have a pretty good shot. That is, if we take the photos. What do you say, Lisa?"

Another silence. "Yeah... I really want to... but..."

"It won't cost anything, I promise. And I'll be done in five minutes. Short and sweet."

"You don't have any forms I have to sign or anything, do you?" she asked, still wary.

"We have some forms, but we can send those later, when you're confirmed to be in the magazine. What do you say, Lisa. Want to give it a go?"

Another silence. "Alright," she said, a big smile on her rosy face.

"Wonderful," Denver said. "Let me grab the camera in my car. If you have any other good outfits you want to try to put together after we get this one, go get them ready." Denver put his briefcase down on the porch, "I'll be right back, Lisa."

Denver hurried to his car. In the backseat was a sophisticated camera and a tripod, both of which he took and toted back to the house. Lisa was no longer at the front door, but the door was open still. Denver took his briefcase and passed through the screen door into the house. Lisa's house was very bright, and the furniture seemed expensive. There was a phone on a stand with a notepad in the hallway, by the stairs, to the left. There was a lot of light coming through the living room window, directly to the right of the front door, which Denver shut behind him. He set up the tripod away from the window, looking toward the dining room. The angle was perfect.

Lisa bounced happily down the staircase and found Denver in the living room. She had several clothes in her arms, which she laid on a chair. "How many outfits do you think you have, Lisa?"

"Well, maybe two or three, not counting this one," she said, still smiling.

"I think I'll have just enough film. We'll definitely be able to get one of these photos into the magazine, I bet. But let's take some with this outfit first. Are you ready? Need to wash your face or put on some make up real quick?" Lisa looked worried, and rushed into the hallway, where a mirror was hung on the wall. She played with her hair until it was in a position she was comfortable with, and quickly returned.

"I'm good. So, what should I do?"

"We'll start with a really basic pose. Straighten your skirt real quick? Perfect. Now, spread your legs, and put your right hand on your hip. A little lower, fingers in the pocket if you like. And legs spread a little more... straighten the back - pretend you're trying to look really tall without using your tippy toes... perfect. Perfect. Now smile... and..." Click. "Perfect, we got it. Now, we're going to do the exact opposite. Left arm on your left hip, legs spread again... oh, you're a natural." Click. "Now Lisa, tell me about yourself. Are you a girly girl, or a tomboy?"

"Well, all my friends think I'm the most girly girl around. But secretly, when I'm not doing anything with my friends, I go with all the boys who run track to the U-Haul parking lot over on Dryden Road, and we ride around on skateboards."

"Oh, so a secret tomboy, eh?"

"Yeah," she said with a sly grin, "I wouldn't even tell my friends though. They'd think I'm weird."

"I think that's very cool. Let's try something that fits that more. Put your right arm on the door frame right there, left arm on your hip, and make a face like you don't even care... perfect, Lisa." Click. "And now one more, this time let's see if we can reach the door frame above you. Like you're going to do a pull up - oh, arms away from the face. Better, better, now stretch..." As Lisa stretched, her short shirt lifted up, exposing her stomach and belly button, as well as the waist of her skirt, which was easily two inches below her belly button, her hips exposed. She looked very skinny. Denver coughed as he clicked the next photo.

"Oh right, Lisa, I almost forgot, would you happen to have a nice bathing suit? We wanted some shots like that as well, since it's a summer issue and all."

Lisa let go of the door frame and looked at Denver strangely. "It's not a summer issue... you said it was September or October."

Denver didn't mean to say that. He got carried away. "I'm sorry, I..."

"Sorry, maybe you should leave," she said, hugging herself around the waist.

"But you still have a couple outfits... and we have some more film. We can definitely get a few more photos in."

"No, really. You should leave," Lisa insisted.

"Maybe just one more for the road?"

"Okay dude, you're scaring me. Get out, or I'm calling the police." Lisa turned on her heels and went toward the staircase, where the phone was.

"Wait, Lisa!" she stopped, but barely. "Your parents... they wouldn't think this is a good idea, would they?"

"No," Lisa responded quickly.

"But wouldn't you like to do this? Wouldn't you like to be beautiful?" She shuddered. "No, no, I know how you feel. I've seen plenty of girls. Sure, you've got the hair, and the eyes, and the pretty voice, and body. But with a face like that, you're never-ever going to make it big. You've never dated anyone, have you?"

She shook her head, "Well you'll never find a boyfriend, unless you get that face adjusted. But I can change that. This magazine, and my pictures, can make anyone beautiful. Gorgeous. And we don't have to tell a soul, Lisa. What crickets see is between you and me."

Denver was nervous. He hated his nervousness. When he got nervous he stuttered. He preferred being eloquent. He just needed to remain calm. This would work out. Lisa stood, staring at Denver like she had seen a ghost and discovered uranium at the same time. She almost turned toward Denver again, but quickly shook her head, turned, and ran down the hall, her thumping feet audible on the wooden floor. She picked up the phone.

Denver pushed the tripod onto the couch behind him and grabbed his briefcase, forcing it open while running after Lisa. Beep beep beep went the phone as Lisa quickly dialed 911, Denver rounding the corner as she hit the talk button. Denver ran toward Lisa and threw the briefcase down the hall, hitting Lisa in the shoulder of her right arm. The phone flew out of her hand and bashed against the ceiling before landing in separate pieces with a loud clatter across the wooden floor. Lisa gasped and tried turning quickly, but Denver was in front of her already, and as soon as the scream began to leave her mouth, he pushed her with all his force.

Lisa screamed as her body lifted completely off the ground. Her leg, close to the stand with the phone, knocked the entire stand over, and she landed flat on her back with a loud bang, knocking the wind out of her, forcing her to cough loudly. Denver grabbed his briefcase, and pulled out the silver magnum inside. He pointed it straight at Lisa.

"Don't you try to call the cops, little girl - cops, little girl! Before you dare pick up that phone, you'll be dead." Lisa wheezed as she tried to back up. Denver couldn't help but peek up her skirt, but he shook his head. He had to concentrate. He sat on top of her as she continued coughing and doing everything in her power to scream. He grabbed her by her shirt, pulled her up, put the gun to her head and cocked it. "Now - now - now shut up. Don't make a - make a peep. Not a sound."

Both fell silent. Lisa was too scared to scream. Denver's eyesight started to wander toward Lisa's chest... "I'll scream..." she whispered.

"I'll sh-, sh-, sh-, shoot. Don't scream, Lisa." She was bawling. "We're going to take a little car drive. It won't be too bad. But we're going to have to be mature. We're going to have to get my camera and tripod, and we're going to have to walk to my car like adults. And we kn-, kn-, kno-, kn-, know what will happen if we s-, s-cream, now, don't we, Lisa?"

Lisa didn't say anything. She whimpered, "Don't we, Lisa?!" Denver shouted, and she nodded between whimpers. "I'm sorry for pushing you, Lisa... I'm going to let you get up now... You're going to w-,w-, w-, wait here for me, and we'll go outside. Understand?" she nodded, and he instantly got to his feet.

Denver quickly returned to the living room and grabbed the camera and tripod, folding them as fast as he could, and shoved it all under his arm. He quickly returned to Lisa, who had not moved. She was bawling in the fetal position. He took her under the arms, "Come on n-, n-, n-, now Lisa. Time to go. We've got to stop crying." He could feel her bra strap under her shirt, and the smell of her hair was irresistible. "Come on, Lisa, very quick." Denver re-cocked the gun, "Let's step into the car, Lisa."

He watched as Lisa bit her lip, trying to hold back her obvious terror. He didn't know if she would run or not, but he moved her along. They went through the screen door and out into the front yard. Nobody was on the street, and Denver was lucky. He motioned Lisa along to his car, unlocking the doors before she reached them. He awkwardly opened the door for her and gently pushed her in to the passenger seat, closing the door behind her. He opened the back seat door, threw his things inside, and shut it quickly, locking all the doors. Lisa tried to open the door, and screamed when it didn't open, but not loud, because her crying stifled it. Denver brandished his gun and she stopped, putting her forehead against her white knees. Denver quickly crossed to the driver's side, hopped in, started the car, and was off.





Twenty miles down the road, Lisa was still crying. They were outside of town, on the highway, heading south. Denver was driving fast, but not conspicuously so. By the time they reached Tuscon, her parents will only then start to wonder where their pretty little blonde has gone. But Denver had to comfort Lisa. "Hey there, it's alright... you're doing great." Denver put his hand on Lisa's shoulder, but she screamed and moved as close to the passenger door as she could manage.

"Lisa, don't be sad... don't be mad. I didn't mean to hurt you back there. I just couldn't have you call the police. How is your shoulder doing?"

Without warning, Lisa dove toward Denver with an animalistic scream. Denver screamed, defending himself against blows aimed toward his head by the 15 year old. The car veered to the left, and Lisa banged her head on the passenger side window. Denver's car sailed across the middle lane of the highway. He grabbed the wheel after they went over the fast lane, and were falling into the dirt median. He jerked the wheel to the right, and swerved back to the right hard, almost hitting a nearby car. He got control of the car and remained in the middle lane as cars honked at him and quickly passed.

"L-, L-, L-, Lisa! You can't d-d-do things like that!" Denver yelled, "You'll kill us!" Lisa then began breaking down into fitful crying again. Denver hated this part. The girls never understood.

"What are you going to do with me," she blubbered through tears. "Are you going to kill me and dump me out in the country?"

"No, never, my darling, Lisa. I wouldn't dream of it."

"Then what?! Are you going to do that... thing that you sick weirdos do. Ransom?"

"No, dear Lisa. I wouldn't dream of it."

"Then why are you doing this? Oh my God, why are you doing this to me?!" she bawled. She continued crying for the next hour.




The gas tank was running on empty, and they hadn't even reached Tuscon. The day was slowly fading. They weren't making good time, but thankfully, Lisa had stopped crying. Denver felt more comfortable. The first few hours were always the toughest. The girls never understood.

"Why...?" Lisa mumbled.

"What's wrong, dear?" Denver asked.

"God, shit! Don't say that! Why are you doing this to me?" Lisa asked. "Why?" She was trying not to cry.

"The girls treated you pretty bad in school, didn't they?" Denver asked.

Lisa looked at him, confused. Denver continued, "You heard them, didn't you. 'There goes Lisa, that little slut, with Jeff.'"

"How did you hear that?" she asked.

"Your parents too. 'You need to focus on your extracurriculars. You know you can't date until your 18.' And then that boy turned you down when you asked him out for coffee. 'Like I'd ever go with you, babe.'"

"You've been following me?" she said, shocked.

"Yes. And I know what it's like. I used to be like you, when I was your age," she scowled at him, "Obviously not a girl, I know. But I was like you. I had lots of friends, yeah. But they were fake. 2-D. I'm betting you feel the same way."

Lisa didn't respond, and Denver knew because he was telling the truth. "And your parents don't understand you. They don't know what's in your head. You're so much more mature than they think."

Lisa stayed silent for a long time. "Then why me?"

"Because I liked you. And knew you needed to get out of that wretched town."





Denver and Lisa needed to stop for gas. Denver found a ratty looking gas station - the rattier, the less people they would have to deal with. Denver parked by the pumps, and touched Lisa's shoulder. She shuddered violently.

"Now Lisa," he said calmly, "we need to stop for gas now. We can get some snacks and use the bathroom too, if we need to. But you have to do me the favour of not doing anything strange while we're here. Can I trust you?"

"Why should I trust you?" Lisa said.

Denver took the gun out of his door's cup holder, and showed her it before putting it in his pocket. "Can I trust you, Lisa?" She nodded. Denver reached in his wallet and pulled out ten dollars, and handed it to Lisa. "Get what you want. We've still got a ways to go."

"I'm not hungry... how could I be?"

They both got out of the car. Lisa walked quickly into the shop, Denver right behind her. The shop smelled rancid, and a fat attendant sat behind the counter, dozing to a TV show. Lisa looked at the attendant with panic in her eyes, but turned back to Denver, looking toward his pocket. Denver nodded, and she approached the counter.

"Ex... Excuse me. Do you have a restroom?" she asked.

The fat attendant woke up, "Yep. It's out back there. Gonna have to take this key," he handed Lisa a key with a big wooden block chained to it.

"And I'll have forty on number two," Denver said, patting Lisa, who shuddered again, and tried to make her way out the door. "Keep the change, thanks."

Lisa was already outside when Denver opened the front door of the shop. "Lisa. We have a deal?" She didn't turn, but nodded, and wandered to the back of the shop where the diesel trucks parked. The bathroom door was in view of Denver's car. He would see if she ran. She unlocked the door and went inside as a group of truckers passed the door and smoked by the corner of the shop. Denver started to fill the tank with gas.

After a moment though, Denver heard a rusty sound. He looked around, but saw nothing that could have made the noise, and began to wonder. He stopped the flow of gas, and walked toward the station. He passed the truckers toward the restroom door, but before he was there, could already hear the grunts of a girl. He made a dash around the corner of the gas station. Nearly six feet above the ground, Denver saw Lisa hanging out of the small rusty window. She gasped at the sight of him.

Denver was taken aback, but only for a moment. He shook his head; he noticed some trucker who was driving away was glancing over confused. "Okay, now, Lisa, let's get down. Come on, I'll help. Let's go." Denver wrapped his arms around her, though she tried to slap at his face. More firmly, he wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her out of the window. He placed her on the ground and straightened her clothes for her as she simultaneously looked shocked and confused at him.

"You shouldn't try to do that. If you really need to go, go. Otherwise, come with me to the car."

Denver tried to straighten her skirt, but she pushed him back. "You shouldn't touch a girl like that." She looked violated, and as if she were about to cry, but she rounded the corner of the station quickly, and went back into the restroom. Denver passed the smoking truckers again, who apparently were listening to their conversation. Denver returned to his car, finished filling it up, and returned the pump.

It had been two minutes, and he was going to see if Lisa was finished when he heard a muffled scream. When he looked toward the restroom, only one of the three truckers he had seen before was standing at the corner, stepping on his cigarette. Denver hurried toward the bathroom again, already having imagined what might be happening.

Denver walked straight toward the restroom door, but the trucker stepped in his way. "Sorry, man. It's occupied."

"Yeah, by my daughter. Move."

"Not nice to go in their while a girl's there. Them's bad manners," the trucker said, pushing Denver. Denver sent a punch to the trucker's nose. Denver felt the trucker's nose break, and the man fell to the ground. Denver quickly pulled out his gun and kicked open the bathroom door. One trucker stood near the door inside, and was hit by it. Before he could react, Denver pistol whipped him over the head, sending him to the floor. The other trucker had his filthy hand over Lisa's mouth, his other hand on her inner thigh. He turned his head dumbly to the sound of his friend landing on the floor, and saw Denver with the gun. "Oh shit," he said.

"Yeah, that's right. Let her go now."

"Man, don' shoot, man." The trucker let Lisa go. Surprisingly, with a startled scream, she ran and threw her arms around Denver, silently crying.

"Let's go, darling," Denver said to Lisa, and they backed out of the restroom. The hurried to the car and took off.




It was ten in the evening, and Denver felt tired. "We're going to have to stop somewhere. We're so far from a town though. We should've been in Tuscon by now." Lisa hadn't said a word for hours. Denver drove for another ten miles, but found nowhere to stay. Instead, Denver drove down a farm road, and then out into an empty field. He parked his car in the middle of the field and got out. He opened the trunk, where there were many sleeping bags and blankets laying, taking out as many as he could hold, as well as a pair of handcuffs hidden in the corner of the trunk. Denver laid the blankets and sleeping bags out on the field, leaving plenty of room, before he opened Lisa's door.

"We'll sleep here for the night, Lisa. I'm not sure if you'll leave though, so I'm going to have to use these." He showed her the handcuffs. She didn't argue as Denver helped her out of the car and handcuffed her wrist to his. He covered her with blankets, and gave her distance as she made herself comfortable. He then put his body close to hers. She fidgeted with worry at first, but soon after fell asleep, her breathing slow. She was exhausted, as was Denver. They fell asleep in the field.

Denver only woke once during the night. Lisa was moving, but still on the handcuff. When Denver opened his eyes, he saw her sitting up, her free arm in her shirt. "Are you alright, dear?"

"Don't say that," she said angrily. "I just couldn't sleep with this on. I never can. Stop looking, perv." Denver stopped watching as she took her bra off and threw it aside. Denver was still tired beyond reason, and couldn't stay awake even as Lisa fidgeted. But before he drifted into sleep, he heard her mumble something. "Thanks for saving me..."




"No, no, that won't do," Denver said in the heat of the desert sun. They were at a rest stop, cars flying down the highway like the running of the bulls. Lisa's shirt had been ripped when the men preyed upon her at the gas station, and her skirt was torn when Denver pulled her out of the window.

"I thought you said we were going somewhere," Lisa said, disgruntled and sweating.

"I did, but we're in no rush." In fact, Denver was far behind schedule. He hated to linger, just in case an Amber Alert was announced. Everyone would know who to look for, and everyone would be looking. And Lisa was not the most conspicuous girl. She was a gem, and people would notice her like a diamond ring.

"Anyway, are you ready to go?" Denver asked.

"I... um... I couldn't use that restroom. It was gross."

For some strange reason - though Denver knew it was not the right decision - Denver wanted to go slow. He didn't want to rush. He wanted to continue this journey very slow. Yes, he could be apprehended easily if he lingered. But he wanted to spend time with Lisa. "It's alright. We can find somewhere else to stop. How would you like to go to a mall and get some clothes that aren't falling apart?"

Lisa scowled at him in a confused sort of way. Denver didn't acknowledge the look, "Come on, let's go. We'll get food in town. We're almost there."

The duo returned to the car and continued down the highway for another half hour before they arrived in the midst of Tuscon. Denver drove to the nearest mall, parked in the parking lot, and turned the radio off as he looked at Lisa, who gazed longingly out the window at nothing in particular.

"Now Lisa, this is like the gas station... you can't do anything..."

"Crazy, I know... nothing crazy, I know. Can we just go?"

"Sure," Denver mumbled awkwardly. After Lisa slammed the door shut, Denver took the pistol out of his pocket and threw it under the driver's side seat. Better not to take it in, even if that's taking a risk, he thought.

The two entered the blessed air conditioned foyer of the mall. "Alright, we'll find you some clothes first... Wow, I haven't been to a mall in forever," Denver said to himself.

Lisa rolled her eyes and turned to the right, Denver following in her wake. After a short walk, they came upon some hip and trendy shop decked out with surfboards, where a security guard sipped out of a plastic cup lazily in front of the store. Lisa entered, Denver right behind. The store was cramped with all nameless types of clothing in all directions. The sheer amount of stuff surrounding them made Denver feel slightly claustrophobic.

Denver stated the obvious. "There's so much stuff..."

Lisa mumbled something audible, though she said nothing in particular. It was the type of speech where you could say anything and reflect the same profound amount of indifference. She picked up a neatly folded yellow polo, which she tossed aside unfolded. She looked at the shelves along the wall, lined with jeans in every size one could ever ask for; she ran her hands through a rack that had underwear hung on it, and Denver bit his lip.

Apparently Lisa had then found what she was looking for: a table covered in different styles of skirts. She sifted here and there through them in the same way one looks for the perfect apple in the mountains of apples at the supermarket. Denver was intrigued, but totally aware of his surroundings. What he noticed was that people had begun to take notice. There was a boy and girl standing near the entrance whom Denver and Lisa ignored, despite the greetings they received. But those within the store took notice of Lisa's ragged clothes, and glanced curiously at Denver. He was worried, but he had to wait for her; he couldn't force her, lest make her uncomfortable.

Eventually she picked a very short denim skirt. She raised it to Denver, to which he replied, "Of course. Go ahead and get a shirt too, if you'd like."

She grimaced at him in that same angry way, but couldn't help looking down at the side of her t-shirt, where a hole was ripped, and was growing with every gentle movement of her body. "Can I get anything?"

"Absolutely."

She smirked slightly. Denver had a feeling she was going to purposefully buy something expensive, but Lisa was worth a few extra dollars. She grabbed another skirt without a second thought, crossed the small space, and grabbed two polos with a quiet laugh. Denver glanced back at those who worked in the store, who were no longer paying them mind. Denver caught Lisa taking some of the underwear into her growing pile of clothes, and he bit his lip again as she covered them discretely with a couple shirts.

"I'll need to try this on..." she mentioned with a slight cough and a nervous look as she raised the skirts.

"Sure, absolutely," Denver replied, only slightly anxious. Lisa passed into the next room, Denver lurking after her. The room was crammed with more filled shelves, a counter with cash registers and appropriated clerks who looked insatiably bored, and a few chairs. Lisa entered the dressing rooms with one glance back; Denver heard the lock.


Denver sat down in the black leather chair. A group of girls entered the store, and giggled inanely; Denver paid them no mind; one of the girls, whom looked to be 17, flirted with one of the clerks, who was obviously bashful. Denver felt awkward, stood up, and walked into a different room - the men's side of the store - and patiently perused the jeans absentmindedly. Without warning, a loud shrill began to squeal from all around the shop. Denver glanced to the room he left, where the clerk looked in the opposite direction toward the entrance, equally curious?

That's when Denver heard Lisa's voice, along with that of a burly man outdoors. "And where are your parents, little lady?"

"Let me go! Please, I've got to go!"

"Shoplifting is a serious offense. Keep your hands behind your back."

"You don't understand! No!"

Denver hurried to the front of the store. The attendants who greeted them looked excitedly at the scene unfolding: Lisa was outside the store, dressed now in one of the short denim skirts and a brown polo. Her hands were behind her back, and the security guard had one handcuff around her wrist.

"I've got to leave, now! Really, I didn't..." Lisa pleaded, struggling. She had obviously tried to run away as fast as she could. Denver had to act.

"Lisa, there you are! Where in the world are you going?"

She turned her head quickly to him, her hair covering her face until she blew it away. The security guard also turned. "Sir, is this your daughter."

Without hesitation, Denver responded, a lie already in his head. Hopefully Lisa would understand. "Yes. Lisa, what's going on? You know what I told you! Why would you run out of the store with clothes that weren't yours?"

She mumbled something inaudible, thoroughly confused, so Denver intervened. "I'm sorry officer, this was all my fault. I had told her I thought I left my wallet in the car, so she must have wanted to grab it for me. Is that right, Lisa?"

Lisa still said nothing in return, but instead glanced at the security guard, and nodded.

"But turns out, I have it right here," Denver continued, waving his wallet through the air like a passport. "So we'll pay for what we wanted to buy. I'm sorry for all this trouble, sir; Lisa, really, this is embarrassing."

The security guard looked back down at her, and then unlocked the cuff. He shook his head and laughed, mumbling something about kids these days, and Lisa sighed with relief. And as soon as she was out of his dirty grip, Lisa nearly dove to Denver. He made to hug her, and though she was hesitant, she returned it. "Don't scare me like that again, please," Denver commented when their embrace ended. He handed her his wallet. "Now go pay for all that. I'm sure once it's paid for they'll let you wear it out of the store."

Lisa simply nodded, but as she returned to the store, Denver heard her whisper warily to him. "Thanks." The theft detection system wailed again and she disappeared into the store.

"Sir, I'll need to still file an incident report. What's you and your daughter's names?"

Denver almost forgot somehow that the guard was there, his flushed face instantly fading. "Oh, right. Denver." Shit! Why did I give my name?!, he thought. "I mean, Denver Terrel. And Lisa Terrel."

The security guard scribbled on a piece of paper, which Denver then had to signature twice. By the time he finished, Lisa had returned with a bag, still wearing the almost stolen outfit. Denver took her hand and they walked away.

"He said he was going to arrest me... I was so scared..." she mentioned quietly.

"You're safe now. It's alright."

She looked up at him with puppy dog eyes, still begging to be filled with tears, and Denver took her gaze as a thank you.



Lisa was stressed after the ordeal with the security guard - Denver could tell - so he took her to the food court, where they ate a meal in silence. Denver bought her a cookie, and was shocked that (of course, when he was only glancing at Lisa out of the corner of his eye), she saw her bearing an honest smile. She would tell him later that he picked her favourite cookie without asking her what she wanted, but that was later.

They walked around the mall - which was fairly extensive, adorned here and there by abstract art pieces that claimed to be inspired by the Arizona desert - just to kill time. Denver enjoyed it thoroughly, though he knew it was nothing truly special. Lisa led him to a couple stores she wanted to visit. She bought a necklace with a peace sign, along with a pair of sunglasses at another trendy store; she wore the sunglasses even though she was still indoors. When leaving a store, the walkie talkie of a nearby security guard blared loudly from his hip, and Lisa clutched Denver's free hand. He noticed that she didn't let go until they reached another store, and upon leaving, took his hand again.

They picked up some hamburgers for lunch after several few hours, and made their way out to the parking lot. "Is there anything else you'd like to do?" Denver asked. Again, Lisa grimaced her strange grimace, but eventually mentioned a couple movies she wanted to see. "We have all day," Denver assured. "No rush."

He should be rushed. But Denver was not rushed anymore.

They went to the nearest theatre, somewhere near Broadway Boulevard. Denver let her pick the movie - something that was new and got good reviews - a horror movie - and they went in. The theatre was delightfully cold, and the movie was already playing. For three o'clock, the movie was surprisingly full. The two found a seat near the back.

"Sorry, can you get some popcorn?" she asked when they was somewhat comfortable, though she nervously looked at people near her.

"Do you..."

But in their whispers, before Denver could finish his sentence, she did for him. "I'll stay here. I promise..." Denver was suspicious, but tried. He had no more cash, so he used his credit card to get the popcorn, as well as some drinks. He returned to the dark room, and apparently someone in the movie had already died. He found Lisa still in her seat. Later, she told Denver that he also picked her favourite drink without asking her, but that was later.

Denver was swept up with love, in the way that one sweeps dust under the rug. He was chock full of it - of love - but had to hide it until he was ready to do something with it. Denver was not naive. He knew that obviously, Lisa realized she was sitting in a dark theatre with her captor. But as Denver watched her quietly in the darkness, she stared on, hardly blinking, engrossed in the movie, as if she - just for a moment - forgot where she was. When the killer in the film popped out, and the audience gasped in horror as the protagonist was brutally injured with the killer's implement, Lisa grabbed Denver's hand out of reaction and buried her face in his shirt. Denver smiled.

She realized what she had done after the danger from the horror movie subsided. She coughed, embarrassed, but Denver also saw her smile as well. Later, the protagonist and his love interest were hiding from the killer. The young man leaned in to kiss the girl, telling her not to worry. There was a collapse of something in the darkness, scaring the main characters; Lisa again latched to Denver's arm. It was only a cat in the movie. Denver whispered that Lisa shouldn't worry, and kissed her cheek. She grimaced her odd grimace again, but she didn't remove her arm from Denver's until the credits were rolling.

Lisa insisted they see another movie. Denver knew he should have left town hours ago, but couldn't help himself. They went to see a romantic comedy next, something a few weeks older. The movie was certainly not scary, but Lisa nevertheless entwined her arm in Denver's. The movie became increasingly mushy; Denver would have given the movie two stars, but he was a photographer, not a critic. He was not really concentrating on the movie though, because somehow, Lisa's hand somehow ended up in his own. When the protagonist was caught in his love interest's bedroom wearing a dress, Lisa laughed so hard that she began coughing. Denver rubbed her back kindly, and kissed her again on the cheek.

She didn't grimace, for some reason. She still smiled from the joke. Denver smiled at her smile, and she seemed to notice, because she tried to look away. Denver kissed her cheek again, and she looked at him. Before either of them knew what happened, they had been kissing each other fervently until the main characters finally realized how in love they were. The credits began rolling, and it was dark outside as Denver led Lisa to the car, hand it hand.


A little over 50 miles later, the two had attempted to make up for lost time. Denver knew they should have made more progress, but he was content with staying somewhere here for one last night. They stopped in the town of Sells, and drove a little to the south, then to the west; Denver found a road that went further west, though the name of the road was destroyed by a car and any sign that was there stood absent. He drove until he found an empty field, and drove to the middle of it.

He let Lisa wander off to take care of personal business she had - he knew there was nowhere to go in the middle of the desert - and laid out his blankets and sleeping bag. When Lisa returned, they laid down. She asked him questions - Denver could never remember what they were, exactly - personal questions, but not too personal - and before he knew it, several hours had passed. He suggested they sleep, but Lisa said she wasn't tired. They laid in silence before she began to kiss him.

Who knows how long later, she went to find a drink of water in the car. Denver was exhausted, and took off his shirt, and found the handcuffs at the bottom of the sleeping bag. Lisa heard them clack against each other. "Please don't..." she said, spitting water to the dirt. "I'm scared of those after everything..."

Denver nodded. "We really should get to sleep. If we're lucky, we should be where we're going by evening tomorrow.

Lisa didn't respond. She kneeled down next to Denver and turned away from him. She fiddled under her shirt until she unbuckled and slipped off her bra, throwing it on top of the handcuffs. She crawled into the sleeping bag, but kept her body close to Denver. Denver was watching the stars, trying to figure out which were faking - satellites that were just pretending - when she kissed his neck. They kissed together in the sleeping bag, and Lisa was glad Denver stroked her smooth thighs, though she never told him so.

Who knows how long later, she went to get another drink. Denver looked for his watch, but couldn't find it. Lisa returned, spitting the last of her water to the dirt. Without speaking, pulled off her shirt, and she slithered out of her short skirt. Denver stared in awe of her, only covered by the thong with hearts, as she slipped next to him. He removed her discreet clothing, and removed his. She said she had never done that before, and she moaned with pain when they began.

She then said she was comfortable. She said it felt good. She screamed when it was time to scream, but it was the scream of release. She wanted to scream that scream of release. She screamed again the second time, when she seemed much more comfortable. She admitted she loved that night to Denver, but she said that later. Then, she screamed; she screamed with pleasure and love. Even if she was scared, nobody would have heard her in the middle of the desert, who knows how long later.



Lisa awoke, still naked, though under a blanket, in the back seat. Denver had only slept a few hours, and had placed her as carefully in the car as possible. She was asleep when Denver passed through the fenceline and crossed the odd landbridge, stretched across a small, dried up lakebed where the fence didn't extend. Denver had taken this route before, and had already found his way to a more major road; the air felt different, and was certainly hot as they breathed in the Mexican air somewhere south of San Francisquito.

Denver stopped and the two relived themselves before continuing. Lisa never put on her clothes until they reached Highway 2, and only then put on her other new shirt, along with her purple unmentionables with a panda design, saying she only wanted to dress because there were so many cars. She took everything back off once the traffic died down, crawling into the front seat, and basked in the warmth of the sunlight in full view, her slight curves casting delicate shadows across her body. Denver smiled and drove further west.

He stopped halfway to Puerto Peñasco to stretch on the side of the road, and to fill his car with some gas he had stored in the trunk. They were driving only five minutes later. "I never would have ever thought - forever, like, in my entire life - that something like this would happen. It's so crazy." She mentioned, making a person out of her fingers, which she had walking across her breast down to her belly button.

"Love is strange." Denver had never used that word with any of the others. He had never actually used that word before, he then realized.

"It is love though. I mean, like, I'm not crazy, right? It feels like what I thought love would feel like... despite things. It feels like love for me." She rubbed her stomach without thinking. "So it's love for you too?"

"Yes," Denver mumbled, watching Lisa. "Yes... absolutely, unarguably, it feels like love."

Lisa slid her hand delicately along her bouquet like her thumbs were green. "It still hurts. My mom told me that I shouldn't date boys, because love hurts. I guess she meant this. It still hurts."

"That might be it."

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. The name bounced around Denver's head. Her voice echoed through the empty chambers between his ears. Her body's image was burned into the back of his head; he could see every curve of her body, every hue of every inch of her skin, down to the finest detail; he could smell her all over him, and she was ingrained in every way imaginable, on his lips, and his clothes, and his car, and his memory. He couldn't resist her when she began to pull his pants off as he remained in the driver's seat sailing down the road at 80 miles an hour. Denver pulled over, and she climbed into his lap like a child younger and less mature than she was. She threw her bouquet to him like she was at a wedding, and they kissed before they did anything. She screamed again who knows how long later. Denver didn't finish, and she let him, screaming twice again before he was done.

She kissed him, begging him not to stop - pleading that she had never felt so real - so alive - in her entire life. She was still sitting atop him, bared to the Mexican world around them, on the side of some road, as she pleaded, and begged with her new love. He loved her, and she loved him. She begged to him, pleading, now crying; oh, how she cursed her parents - how stupid they were for sheltering her - how horrid they were for keeping her from the world; oh, how she cursed her friends, for losing their virginity before her - how they only insulted her - berated her - for retaining her precious flowers; oh, how she cursed, and hollered, and moaned, and how she loved Denver Max, the most unlikely lover - the most skilled kidnapper - the kidnapper who fell in love with the first girl out of the 12 that he had taken before her. How she begged, and moaned, and hollered, and pleaded, just one more time, please, in case she never breathed again - in case her parents never looked for her - or never found her - or whatever, just one more time, so she could love it, and know she was better than all her friends for waiting until she climbed into the lap of true love - she begged, she pleaded, just once more. And once more it came and went, and there Denver embraced love like fetching true love as it sailed through the air - like fetching Lisa's bouquet - like fetching Lisa's bouquet at the wedding - he embraced love as he embraced Lisa's body that sweated in the Mexican heat. She screamed, twice more before Denver finished, but she screamed with love. She kissed him with love, and she screamed once more involuntarily as she sat and kissed him. She climbed back into her seat, crying, laughing, and smiling all at once. She took Denver's hand, and wrapped it around her, and he caressed her entire body as he drove west toward the ocean.



Lisa was clothed by the time they reached Puerto Peñasco, but insisted Denver never let go of her. He continued to caress her, and when his hand passed over her breasts, she kissed his hand, and when his hand skirted up her skirt, touching her so lightly, she breathed a deep breath, and sighed with relief. She smiled happily when Denver left his arm around her shoulder at the gas station, where everyone blathered in Spanish.

She was exhausted, but Lisa insisted they go down to the beach. They ate something together that neither of them could pronounce, and laid out together on the sand until dusk. Denver hated the salt water, but Lisa insisted they go for a swim, and he couldn't deny her. They took off their clothes and swam together as the sun faded. They returned to the sand, and Lisa wanted to express her love once more, insisted she was truly in love, and Denver granted her this love, communally, on the deserted beast as the moon rose and reflected off the ocean.

Lisa and Denver returned to the car, her arms wrapped around his entire body. She insisted true love, and apologized for losing her purple panda underwear somewhere on the beach. She put on her red heart pair as Denver poured them some fruit drink in some plastic cups. Denver told Lisa he loved her, and they finished their drinks. Denver caressed Lisa on the hood of the car, lying together, kissing, until she passed out, though not due to exhaustion. He tried not to look up her skirt as he laid her in the back seat, but couldn't resist.

He realized how unclean things could be, and decided, though he would rather not, it'd be for the best. He loved her; it was the least he could do. He delicately removed all of Lisa's clothes as she slept heavily. He wrapped the blanket around her; he buckled her up as firmly as she could in the back seat; he threw her clothes in the dirt.

He drove west out of Puerto Peñasco toward a small town of La Choya, but turned off the road, heading for a large sand dune he was told was named 'Big Sandy'. At the top of the hill, he looked for a path on foot large enough for his car to drive up the rocky side of the cliffs. Before he climbed in the driver's seat again, he checked on Lisa. Sleeping like a baby, naked like the day she was born. He caressed her once more, her entire body, which glowed in the moon like the ocean. He kissed her lips, and she breathed heavily in her sleep.

He took the path up the mountain side. The car scraped several times on rocks, but Lisa didn't wake. Denver drove as high as he could; he could see the entire ocean now, La Choya flickering to his right along the coast, the steep cliffs leading down to the water below him. He turned the car off. Once more, he crawled into the backseat. He laid atop Lisa, caressing her. He whispered he loved her more than anyone else in his entire life. That she had changed him forever. That he loved her. That he missed her already. That he loved her.

He checked the seat belts, and when they were firm, he locked the doors. Denver went to the rear of the car, and took his second blanket from the trunk. Then he pushed, because sometimes with love, just like cars, you have to push. You have to push, and hope some inertia gets started. Because if you can't get that first little bit of inertia, love or cars can never start rolling.

Denver had already rolled with the inertia of love. Love was now Lisa. That was the definition in the Dictionary of Denver. Now it was time for the car with his love to roll. And boy, did it roll. It rolled right off that cliff. It bounced violently down the steep incline until the steering wheel must have jerked to the left. Because is jerked violently, and Denver grimaced like Lisa as the car cringed, and bent, and screamed a horrid scream - not of love, but of pain. It sailed sideways, rolling, right off the side of that jagged cliff. When it slammed into the lower cliff, the front end collapsed with the impact, and all the windows split and smashed. And it tumbled down, down, down. It scraped, and screamed, and hollered, and begged, and oh, it was a terrible sight. Denver watched, horrified, as the door sailed off like a kite before it smashed once more against a lower cliff.

And Lisa fell into the ocean, car and all, with a tremendous, deafening crash that Denver would never forget for the rest of his short life. He stared at the car as it bubbled senselessly gasping for air on the surface of the ocean, the waves grinding it against the cliffside. The pull of the waves drew it slightly away from the mountainous cliff, and with one last gasp, it sank into the dark Sea of Cortés.



Do you remember that story? Do you remember Denver now that you heard? Who could forget Denver Max? He had long since returned from the beaches of Mexico to Beach Street in Arizona. He had long since given Mr. Kelley those photos. He had long since developed the pictures of Lisa before he pulled that gun out, and before she stepped in his car, and before he saw her beautiful body, and before they fell in love. He had long since heard about the Amber Alert, and had long since seen the weeping mother and father on TV. He only watched those reports to catch a glimpse of Lisa in her picture on the television.

Do you remember that one day? Denver felt empty inside. He had been crying for weeks. He needed a release. He left the house, locking it on the way out. He hopped into his dusty, dark blue BMW and drove off.

Denver enjoyed driving around the neighbourhood. It was usually such a quiet, subdued place, and the loudest noise was the choir of dogs that barked in unison when people walked too near to their yard. But it was still summer vacation; the children were taking the neighbourhood by storm, with their footballs, and soccer balls, and basketballs, and tag-you're-it's, and hide-and-go seek's, and their jump ropes, and their hopscotch, and their marco-polo's, and their skateboards, and their bikes.

One last look in the mirror. How did Denver look? His eyes were a little saggy - he had been staying up late too consistently, but that would be fine. Was Denver already growing back his beard? No, just his imagination. Was his breath as terrible as he thought it was? Nonsense - it never mattered how many times he went to a new house like this, he was always nervous. Denver grabbed his briefcase and brought it to the front seat. A couple down the street kissed each other romantically before the man hopped in his expensive car and drove past Denver.

It was time. Denver got out of the car and strolled up the sidewalk that led to the front door of 3217 Fernando Drive. His heart was racing, but he knew this was normal too. The salesman, Denver Max, was confident. This would be easy, as always..............

....


After a few more moments, the locks began unlocking. One lock... memories... Then the red front door opened. There stood a young girl. Her name was Jessica Thompson. She was sixteen years old, had medium-length brown hair that ran to her shoulders, light brown eyes that weren't particularly exciting... She was a straight A student, member of the student council, and was going to try out for the track team next year. Jessica enjoyed talking on the phone with her friends, walking her dog, playing on the basketball team, and practicing cheers with the friends she had on the cheerleading team. Today, Jessica was wearing a boy's tank top, a light blue denim skirt, and black leggings, with some socks with cartoon characters on them.

....

Denver was nervous. He hated his nervousness. When he got nervous he stuttered. He preferred being eloquent. He just needed to remain calm. This would work out. Jessica sat warily on the couch, staring at Denver like she had seen a ghost and discovered uranium at the same time. Without a second thought, she dove over the couch knocking down an end table as she ran down the hallway toward the phone.

Denver pushed the tripod onto the floor - he heard his camera lens break - behind him and grabbed his briefcase, forcing it open while running after Jessica. Beep beep beep went the phone as Jessica quickly dialed 911, Denver rounding the corner as she hit the talk button. Denver ran toward Jessica and threw the briefcase down the hall, hitting her in her left side. The phone flew out of her hand and bashed against the ceiling before landing in one piece with a loud clatter across the wooden floor. Jessica gasped and tried turning quickly, but Denver was behind her already, and as soon as the scream began to leave her mouth, he pulled her with all his force.

Lisa screamed as her body lifted completely off the ground. Her hand, grabbing the wall-phone for support, ripped the entire unit off, and her foot caught an end table with a vase, all of which slammed and broke on the ground. He had pulled her by the low cut top she had put on for the photoshoot, which ripped straight off her body; she landed flat on her back with a loud bang, knocking the wind out of her, forcing her to cough loudly.

"HELP!" she yelled, and Denver crawled toward her as she tried to crawl away. He grabbed at her skinny jean, desperate to hold her still. "HELP!" He yanked at her pants, but they slid straight off her slender body. He grabbed her bra, but it snapped off instantly as she crawled desperately toward into the kitchen. She stood up and ran, "HELP! HELP!!!" Denver, still on the floor, snagged her underwear in his hand, but she ran with all her might, and the elastic ripped, and she ran completely naked to the kitchen.

Denver grabbed his briefcase, and pulled out the silver magnum inside. He ran into the kitchen. Before he knew what happened, he was screaming in pain. Jessica had found a knife, and slit his upper arm. He pointed the gun at her face, and she dropped the knife and backed up until she reached the fridge.

"Don't you try to call the cops, little girl - cops, little girl! Before you dare pick up that phone, you'll be dead." Jessica wheezed in terror. Denver couldn't help but stare at her, fully bare before him. He could only think of Lisa. He shook his head. He had to concentrate. He grabbed her by the neck and threw her against the counter, they slammed the magnum against her head. "Now - now - now shut up. Don't make a - make a peep. Not a sound."

He picked her up. She was bawling too heavily to scream if she wanted to. She began to caress her body. He only saw Lisa. But this bouquet wasn't thrown to him. He couldn't have sex with this girl. Not here. But he couldn't leave her naked and bleeding in her kitchen. She wasn't Lisa, but maybe she would give him release.

He put the gun to her head and walked her outside. The street was empty anyway, and he realized nobody saw Denver Max pushing the naked teenage girl, hands forced behind her back, to his car. He spun her around - he stared her body down there on the curb of her street, in front of her house. Her breasts, her skin, her belly button, that unique bouquet between her delicate legs. They were all different, but they weren't all Lisa. Lisa was all he wanted.

He molested Jessica - he grabbed her breasts and forced her to kiss him. He threw open his car door and spanked her before pushing her in and closing the door. He ran to the driver's side door. That's when he heard her.

"I love you, Denver."

"Lisa?" He looked around in desperation. Where did she call from. She sounded like she was speaking through a megaphone.

"Denver, please, stop."

"Lisa?! LISA?!" He hollered at the top of his lungs.

"Denver Max, please put down the gun."

"LISA! LISA, I LOVE YOU!"

"Denver Max," Lisa called, "please put down the gun, and put your hands on the back of your head! We will shoot!"

"LISA! I never, ever stopped loving you. This filthy bitch means nothing to me. I was going to give her my love, but I can't. She is naked, and beautiful, and I can't give her any love. Because you were naked, and beautiful, but you loved me. I love you, Lisa! I LOVE YOU, LISA!"

"Denver Max, put the gun down now!"

"I love you, Lisa!"

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven times Denver screamed. He screamed, totally in love with Lisa, as all 24 bullets flew through his liver, and heart, and kidney, and lung, and neck, and head, and skull, and mouth, and chest. The police officers on their way reported to a special team of detectives who had been tracking suspected serial killer, Denver Max, who had reportedly kidnapped, raped, and killed 13 girls, including Lisa Whitney.

They got to 3217 Fernando Drive before the officers, and found Denver Max in the front yard of a house, molesting a girl, naked, right in full view, in her front yard. The detectives reported that he sexually molested the young girl before throwing her into his vehicle. They drew their weapons and ordered him to drop his. He yelled the name Lisa, slurring his speech wildly, screaming about his last murder as his new victim forced the car door open and fell naked in her lawn as the automatic sprinklers flared on.

All the neighbours were on their porches, screaming in horror and shock. The young girl bawled and screamed, and Denver Max screamed like he was in love, 'LISA!', until he seemed to point the gun. The officers opened fire and their bullets ripped through Denver's body like warm butter. His blood was scattered on the street, pouring to the curb. His blood mixed with the sprinkler water as the detectives pulled the naked Jessica from the ground screaming, while neighbours screamed and yelled as the wild sirens made the choirs of dogs sing rampant.

Denver glanced, with every bit of energy he had left, at his surroundings. He saw his blood everywhere. But more importantly, he saw the naked girl. I didn't do it, he said in his mind, with his last thoughts. I didn't do it Lisa. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, and couldn't. She was beautiful, but she wasn't you. Never again, Lisa. You were true love. I love you, Lisa. I'll see you soon, and we'll scream together, like true love.

Do you remember that day? Do you remember the day Denver Max died on 3217 Fernando Drive?

Do you remember that day?

He screamed like he was in love. He was.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

Your

Ex-Lover

Is

Dead




By: Chris Fox

Transcribed from: “Your Ex-Lover Is Dead” by Stars.

Off of the album: Set Yourself On Fire.




It was a normal day like any other; the night was what was so unique.

I woke up late that morning as usual. I was able to wake up late for two reasons, the first being my somewhat prominent position at the business firm I worked at. Frankly, there is nothing particularly special about the job, as with all other positions at similar establishments. All that my unique position entailed was that casual Mondays and casual Fridays were acceptable for me; that if I was frustrated with my cubicle (say, the cubicle wasn’t getting enough natural light (and they never do)), I could request a switch with another employee in the office; that if my coffee, originally thinking it was an American citizen of distant South American decent happened to check its family to suddenly find that it was Irish, nearby witnesses in the break room would turn a blind eye to such alcoholic discoveries, hiding their young Frappachino’s eyes.

The second reason, which justifies the hypothetical (AKA: true) scenarios aforementioned, is my superior. His name was Jeff Blankly, and he just so happened to be Jeff Blankly of North Illinois University. Jeff Blankly, NIU alumni, is not only a senior executive at the same business firm as myself, as well as my boss, but he is also the only man I know who was dared (in his heyday, of course) to chug an obscene amount of alcohol until his subsequent blackout. This was, of course, before he subsequently stopped breathing, subsequently leading to him flatlining, which (technically) subsequently led to his death. Jeff Blankly had no pulse for his entire ten minute ambulance ride to the hospital, and his friendly ambulance paramedics were sure he was destined for the morgue until a hacking cough threw freshly stomach acid warmed beer out of his mouth in a desperate gasp for air.

This illustrates a very vivid idea that seems to be difficult for many people to grasp for one reason or the next. The fact is, frankly, some of those in great positions of power over others aren’t always the most competent nor most qualified for their position. Jeff Blankly was a 27 year old alcoholic (you see now that he learned from his mistakes) who dropped out of college in his junior year. He forged a graduation diploma (by hand no less), but was unsuccessful in finding a job without his Bachelor's degree. Fortunately for him, Jeff Blankly happened to be the son of Tony Blankly, whom happened to be on the board of directors for my firm’s particular board of directors. Tony Blankly happened to be golf buddies with the CEO of the company. After winning an important tournament against a rival firm, at the following steak dinner, Mr. Tony Blankly mentioned his dear son, Jeff, was hard up for an internship; even though Jeff was “well qualified,” he was turned down in his attempts to procure a job. Obviously, and I do not doubt a healthy amount of wine was involved, the positively prudent CEO offered a one Jeff Blankly a position as a senior executive, upfront, no questions asked.

At the same time, there was an intern who I saw frequenting the elevators all the time. I don’t really know him – he’s one of those people you see all the time, and have even spoken to, but know nothing about. I think his name is Hando, or Handi, or Hindu, or something – he’s Indian in any case. Anyway, I happened upon him and another intern talking several months ago in the break room. Honolulu the Intern detailed his plan for the perfect new business. Now, I’m not going to detail his plan, partially because I can’t remember, partially because he deserves to tell others himself. Suffice it to say, the plan was very beautiful and utopian.

But I listened to him discussing the astounding plan that would apparently entirely revolutionize the structure of international business forever. “I promise, one day, I will finally work my way to the top, and I’ll change the world,” he said. Hakeem the Intern is paid next to nothing, and I think Jeff Blankly is about to fire the poor kid because he dropped Jeff’s lunch by accident sometime last week.

My point isn’t that Honda the Intern is the most capable and competent for the position he seeks. My point is that my senior executive, Jeff Blankly, did not properly earn his position, and that I believe that he does not have the skills or wherewithal to be employed (and paid) in the manner which he is. Of course, I would never say this to Jeff, because he is my boss and the senior executive.

Where do I rank on this hierarchy of profession? Right square in the middle. I used to be just like my dear almost-acquaintance Helium the Intern. I was just starting off, straight out of college, with high hopes and young dreams. But I saw I was going nowhere fast, and just before I bailed the intern position at my firm, I bumped into Jeff on the elevator. And of course, once I learned he was senior executive, I told my detailed and well-planned sob story until he decided to use his divine senior executive powers to save me via a promotion. I now have a corner cubicle and special privileges, so long as I continue to kindle the delicately balanced relationship that constitutes Jeff and I.

Did I procure my position wrongly? Am I being a total hypocrite? Am I the most qualified person for my own position? The answers are yes, yes, and yes. Someone else deserves this position, I know. But I am damn sure not about to give it up for them.

I walked into the office, late as usual. Yes, yes, random person walking out of the elevator next to me, with your cheap briefcase, I did just walk in. Yeah, that guy who I forcibly traded cubicles with, my tie is in disarray, and that’s acceptable dress code for me. Pff, glare all you want, lady with the papers - your husband is cheating on you. O dear gossip lady, gossip away! – this office requires more gabbing. Oh…

Come see me, dude. I wanna talk.

-Jeff

Dammit! Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit! I should have known something like this would happen. I knew that one of Jeff’s naïve, juvenile problems would take the form of the ugly yellow post-it waiting on my computer screen like a thief in the night to steal all the damn enjoyment out of my day. Really effing typical.

This man is so obnoxious, Jeff. Damn you, Jeff! Why must you be so hapless – helpless – in solving your own trivial problems? Why must I be the personal therapist of Mr. Jeff Blankly? Why must I care about whatever pointless problems you have to put forth today? Why, Jeff, why? Don’t you know it’s Friday? I could be dreaming about some beautiful naked woman, or playing solitaire on the computer, or planning out tonight’s drinks which will no doubt result in my stupor and my future passing out in bed at four in the morning. In other words, Jeff, I could be planning my party for one tonight. But no, I’m walking across the office, past all the leering eyes, toward your corner office with the view. Jeff, please tell me what’s wrong, so I can go on with my life. Why, Jeff, why? Why must I deal with your insufferable ignorance?

“Hey, Jeff.”

“Dylan! Dude! Hey.”

Oh yeah, because I don’t want to lose what I have, no matter what.



It was a normal day, I suppose. But that night was unforgettable.

How the music shapes our infantile lives. How it shapes, and twists, and firmly molds us from the same living biblical clay. How silly poetry from a few talented musicians can change your entire day. Let me count the ways.

“I can’t explain / why it’s a sin, / the state I’m living in. / I just feel so tired.” Who would imagine anyone could garner any sort of meaning from a song called “Your Heart Is An Apple” by a band called The Arcade Fire? But here I am, and there it is.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of one and a half years last weekend. It was quite immature actually; the whole situation really reminded me of high school. But to explain this situation in a way that will best illustrate how silly last Saturday was, I’ll have to get into a bit of history.

I am like any other girl: I’ve had my fair share of relationships. I have had some very good relationships. I have had some very, very, very bad relationships. But generally, I think I have had an average time with my dating. My last relationship falls under that lesser category.

His name was Allen. He was 25, one year younger than I. He had brown hair with hazel eyes, and was a web designer who worked from his apartment. He liked football, hockey, smoking cigarettes, traveling, and oddly enough, enjoyed a good dinner date. He was very formal when we went on dates – he held all the doors, pulled out all the chairs, always paid. The dates were nice.

The entire situation with Allen was a unique one in that he did not exactly go through the proper channels to meet me. The boyfriend before Allen was a guy named Joey, whom I had been dating for maybe three months. Joey and Allen were best friends. But Allen met me, and Joey met Christina. I have no idea where Joey met Christina, or where they really got acquainted – maybe at a nightclub when I was sick some weekend – I don’t know. But she was a pretty little 24 year old waitress who liked short skirts and, now I see, obviously, wooing boys who were previously committed.

Allen met me at Joey’s 26th birthday party. He fell for me instantly. He probably would have kept his newfound, instantaneously spawned, undying bout of affection for me a complete secret, had he not gotten wasted that night. In the end, he whispered to me near the host’s backyard trampoline, as the rest of the party-goers skinny dipped in the pool, about his desires to have me.

I do hope you haven’t already formed an opinion of me on account of Allen’s juvenile actions. I may not be particularly religious, but I have morals. I would never cheat on Joey. I was very happy with our relationship. We had opposing politics, conflicting schedules, and his music taste was awful. But opposites attract, right?

For this long story to make the most amount of sense possible, you’ll need to know about Drew. Four years before I was even aware Allen or Joey existed, I was dating Drew. I was nineteen, in college, studying fine arts. Drew was majoring in music and pursuing a minor in graphic design.

We shared a class together during that time. He was one of those boys who would flirt with you, but then would realize that they are self-conscious, and stop. Luckily for him, he was very attractive, and I picked up the flirtation where he left off. Two weeks later, I asked him out. I had never asked a boy out before, and was very proud and confident.

We had a wonderful relationship together. He knew my friends, and furthermore respected them and me. He would only get really drunk around midterms and finals, which was fine by me, and we were very passionate and romantic together. It was perfect. I mean to say, it was perfect until he got tired of me and cheated on me. I never knew the girl, so they must have met through his friends, who I wasn’t acquainted with. I was clueless until I caught them in coitus at a party, in a back bedroom, upstairs. Turns out he had been cheating on me since the second week of our relationship. Go figure.

That’s when I dropped out of arts school. I stopped dating entirely. I was sure every guy who flirted with me was already screwing someone else. I remained single until after my 24th birthday – four years. Then I met Joey.

Christina, whom I mentioned earlier, was a friend of a friend. She worked as a waitress at this restaurant Joey and I enjoyed. She flirted with him once in awhile as she served us, and I was suspicious of them, because it was still hard for me to trust anyone after Drew. Throughout the relationship with Joey, I refused to put out. At least full blown sex, anyway; I would excuse his occasional slip of the hand down certain denim articles of clothing I wore. We were very romantic though. He wanted sex, but I said no, and promised I just needed time, and I would trust him eventually.

Fast forward three months, Joey’s 26th birthday party. Allen is still drinking, and the skinny dippers have paired off, cuddling and petting each other in the warm pool water. I had consumed a fair amount of alcohol by this time, and my cheeks felt warm and fuzzy like an electric blanket. Next thing I know, Allen’s warm, wet lips met mine. We kissed for a good minute before he slipped his tongue in, touching the roof of my mouth. I say from experience, you have never felt more shocked at a party until your lips have collided with those of your significant other’s best friend, and he is about to drop the puck on the ice for a game of tonsil hockey.

I beg that you find my only reaction to end this as quickly as possible funny, because the rest of this sad song goes downhill like an uncontrollable avalanche. I pretended to burp. I would advise you never to pretend to burp if someone has their tongue in your mouth. I coughed and nearly gagged a lung out – had I had more to drink, I would have probably vomited in his mouth. Gross, I know, but hey, it makes me laugh some days.

I said I felt sick and needed some water, which wasn’t a lie. I went to the kitchen and downed two full cups of water while worrying over a cup of beer. I just cheated on my boyfriend, with his best friend, on his birthday no less. How does one explain that? I found someone’s wine bottle and drank the half that remained while two macho guys played “Freebird” by Lynard Skynard on Guitar Hero II. I let the colours on the television hypnotize me. I decided I had to tell Joey immediately.

I looked out the windows toward the backyard for Joey, but didn’t see him (I was afraid to go outside, assuming Allen would still be there). Not in the living room, or the kitchen, or the dining room, but his car was still outside. I went upstairs. I glided through the closed door at the end of the hall.

He was there, in the bed, Christina atop him. You know what they were doing. The room was pitch black except for the light that streamed upon the foot of the bed from the hallway. They didn’t notice me or the door – they continued unabated.

I couldn’t move – it was a complete shock. My legs refused to support me, and I slid with my back to the door until I reached the floor. I bawled, unable to do anything but watch them. I saw every feeling of pleasure in both of their bare bodies and heard every sound. They climaxed together with yells of sheer lust-filled ecstasy. They adjusted themselves, and laid exhausted on each other, tangled together like the sheets, gasping for air. I left.

I can’t say what happened next in detail, because the wine took hold of me like a dog on a leash. I only remember fragments. My mascara burned my eyes. One drink, two drinks… who knows how many more. Bushes surrounded me. I heard girls gossiping. Someone was petting me; they smelled like cigarettes. I threw a shoe into the night in anger. Somehow it was back on my foot. “I don’t have a ride.” His hand was firm. Laser light show. The hand again. I was crying, bawling, again, but on a couch in the dark. The man held me close and pet me. I made him turn on the TV, and the Sopranos was on. I watched it blankly and cried on his shoulder.

I slowly began sobering up. My senses flooded back, and I sensed I was topless, and the man’s hand – that firm hand – caressed my inner thigh, up my skirt.

I blanked out of reality, and awoke sometime later mid-sentence. I was significantly more sober now. I was definitely topless, those firm hands caressing me, my lips locked in a kiss. It was Allen. I wanted to tell him to stop, to wait, or at very least find my bra, but I let him feel me. My mind became more hazy. I felt him remove my underwear and part my legs. I finished before him, and he asked if it was alright for him to finish. I maneuvered him off me, wobbly stood, took off my skirt, and returned to him, on top, like Christina.

It was consensual, not rape, because as much as I couldn’t stop him, I wanted him. Not revenge or spite toward Joey – Allen just took care of me, and I needed to be taken care of. I never talked to Joey again, nor did Allen. We, Allen and I, started dating four days later. Then, last weekend, I caught Allen with some girl. He was holding her up by the legs against a wall, and she hadn’t even removed her skirt. He begged for forgiveness, but his pants weren’t zipped. I gave him my key to his apartment and left.

I am now living with my friends Laura, Amber, and Jamie. In the past twelve years, I have seriously dated five boys, and only the first, back when I was 14, didn’t cheat on me. “I just feel so tired.”




“Hey, Jeff.”

“Dylan, dude! Hey.”

And there Jeff sat, at his desk, in his office, as I entered. Jeff was a huge man, who looked more like a primate than a human. To represent analogically, if you saw him on any dark night, he would be the guy who you would imagine would not only mug you, but chew the meat off your bones. His shoulders are broad like an eighteen-wheeler, his arms very muscular naturally. He had a huge chest that could easily be used as a congo drum depending on where you hit him, and the little bit of brown hair on his head made his strong jawline shine most prominent on his visage.

Jeff’s office was the strangest I had ever seen in my life. And I’ve seen my fair share of offices. Sure, it has the contemporary black desk with matching bookshelves, but that was about the only typicality. A flat-screen plasma TV was in the largest section of the bookshelf, presently playing a bloody movie about Spartans. Instead of any books, the shelves were lined with college memorabilia – football helmets and jerseys, a signed football – as well as an entire collection of DVDs, and a terrible music collection.

Around the walls were banners for sports teams (mostly, again, from college), a Bears jersey that appeared to be autographed, and an ostentatious picture of a woman in her bathing suit, which looks like an enlarged copy of a picture from Sports Illustrated. All in all, it was very professional.

“You asked for me? Your note said you wanted to talk.” I sat in a large leather chair on my side of the desk.

“Yeah man,” Jeff began. “First about work. I know, dude, I know its lame, and I hate to talk about it because it’s just so damn dumb. But I have this guy above me – he’s this manager or something – and apparently he had this other dude who was looking around the office the other week. And he wrote all these random notes about some of the people, and their ‘discretions.’” He made quotation marks with his hands.

“Well,” he continued, “he wrote a crapload of notes about you, man. He said you were sleeping at your desk for like, two hours…”

“I was tired then,” I said bluntly and stupidly.

“And he also said you were smoking right in the bathroom.”

“I needed a smoke. You know how it is.” I pointed at the half-empty pack on his desk.

“I know, I know, dude,” he said sympathetically, reaching across from his desk and placing his goliath gorilla hand on my shoulder, patting me hard. I don’t know if I reminded him or he really needed a cigarette, but regardless, he took one out of a pack lying on his desk. He opened his desk drawer, found a lighter, and fumbled with it until he finally lit his cigarette. He took a long drag and stared at the middle distance before blowing the smoke out of his mouth.

“This is all just so stressful, dude,” he said, taking another long drag.

“What is so stressful?”

“This job, man,” another drag, “this life. This working every single day, dude. This waking up at like, six to get here on time. It’s just so stressful, man. Just so different from college.”

“I’m guessing you miss college, huh?” I purposefully glanced over at the memorabilia.

“So much, dude. Like, I see my friends a lot. You know the parties I go to these days. But I miss seeing them every day. I miss the inside jokes, and screwing with all the teachers, and all the fights in the dorms between classes, and the way everything and everybody was wild and raving right before a game, and how we would all get so pissed when we would lose, and try to find the other team’s cars so we could spray paint their windows… I miss that a lot.”

He took a heavy drag and moved the football, which I had not noticed on his desk, closer to him. This was typical Jeff Blankly. These manly men are stereotyped as not having any sort of feelings or emotions, but they do. These feelings just aren’t always for the opposite sex, like the stereotypical girl. For Jeff, these feelings are for playing football, and the friendships that spawned from that.

Jeff was a superstar with football. He got into NIU on a scholarship for his skill. He lavished in the fame he garnered from being the star quarterback. He was popular with complete strangers. Professional football analysts mentioned his name on television. He always had a woman to throw his gorilla arms around. He was the pinnacle of college popularity, and lavished in every second of it.

Since my sophomore year in college, I learned to distance myself from such brutish individuals, for physically, I’m of no similar comparison, and would often be drug into joining the larger friend’s physical confrontations because of my proximity to them. I’m sure you can see why I wouldn’t exactly enjoy these beefy men’s company; one or two knock-outs was enough to learn. I’m sure you can also see that this was a simple act of self-preservation on my part; keep strong people away, because you’re not strong. But I kept Jeff and his jolly company, half out of habit, half out of longing for similar popularity. Very ignorant of me, I grant, but I was twenty, and this was the sort of mature immaturity rampant these days in teens and adults alike.

I was not alone in my pursuit for pollination popularity due to my attachment to Jeff. There was a direct correlation between his rise in fame and the magnitude of his magnetism for others.

Unfortunately, Jeff’s other leeching acquaintances were not as honest or true for Jeff (I claim no sainthood in this remark, simply stating for my somewhat numerable discretions, I was more near to the positive side of the spectrum amongst the other fellow parasites Jeff knew). Jeff was surrounded by ignorant and indecent people, and he loved their presence. He let them influence his opinions and puppeteer his actions as if he were nothing more than a popular marionette. This led him to his accident, of course.

But being with Jeff led to a spike in my own popularity. People knew me – nobody important – but cool guys around campus would greet me by first name. I got the leftovers of the girls that Jeff didn’t want, which I had no complaint with, for these were beautiful women. I indulged in all I garnered from my symbiotic relationship with Jeff. I capitalized on this same outlook on life presently. I do what I can if it will put me in a more favourable position, consequences notwithstanding.

“It’s natural to miss that,” I say after a pause for (feigned) contemplation. “It was just such a big part of you only a few years ago.” Feed the hungry beast the sweet food he wants, and the beast will forget that you were prey to begin with.

“But everyone just keeps saying, like, ‘dude, it gets better, dude. You have a great job, and you don’t have to worry about this, that, and the other.’ But this whole growing up thing is just way depressing. I mean, dude! I’m 27.”

“You’re just getting bored, Jeff,” I said, picking up and quickly putting down a baseball shaped paperweight on his desk. “But they’re right – your friends – it will get better. It may not be as exciting as college was, but it is a different type of excitement. Have you thought about getting a girlfriend? Everyone’s getting married these days; maybe that will make things more interesting to you.”

Jeff looked longingly at his football helmet on the bookshelf, as if he knew well that he was cheating on the relationship he had with the pigskin. “Yeah… Actually, I have this chick who I met. She knows me from high school. Apparently she was my girlfriend, and we went to homecoming together. I don’t really remember… that was a long time ago… anyway, we’ve gone on a few dates and stuff, and she has these friends who throw a lot of good parties. Not like, wine tasting, or crap like that. Real parties!”

“That’s good. She seems interesting.” This will shut him up. Interesting is positive, and positive for Jeff means he is going to get laid.

“Yeah… Yeah, you’re right Dylan! Thanks, man. Don’t know how I would think without you. By the way, do you have a girlfriend?”

This was unexpected. “No, not right now. I’ve had a few, but not many since college. Lots of girls though, here and there, but not a serious relationship.”

“That’s cool – playing the field – that’s cool. Hey, actually, one of those parties that Candace – that girl I like – invited me to is tonight. Why don’t you come along?”

A party? I hadn’t thought about going to a party in quite some time. But why not, I thought, while looking upon the framed, fun filled group picture of Jeff and company that was propped up on the desk.

“Sure, I can tag along.”

“Awesome, dude! It’ll be a blast, promise. It’s going to be at a house of a friend of Candace’s. I’ve been there once. It’s really big and nice. A little to the west, but not far. I’ll print you out directions at lunch.”

I have now scratched the ears of a lion, and he purred. “Sounds like a plan, Jeff.”

“Sweet. See you later, Dylan.”

The remainder of the day passed without outstanding events of any worth. Thus, I’ll neglect to mention them, but I believe you’ll remember from the beginning of my tale, it was a normal day like any other; the night was what was so unique.




That Friday… oh, what a Friday. A bitter chill crept into the guest bedroom which I inhabited, as the temperature outside struggled to gain ground on its campaign against the winter air. The futile war of nature clashed harmoniously with the sounds of the morning talk show that filtered out of the radio alarm clock nearby. I awoke in due time, took my shower, did my makeup…

A knock came to the door as I threw on a white shirt. The person behind it opened the door without waiting for a reply. This is one of those subtle things I enjoyed about living with women: there is never any sort of bashfulness or shyness. Girls tend to be portrayed as timid, constantly covering up every inch of their skin to retain some sort of perfectionist modesty. And everyone knows a girl really has to trust a boy before said boy sees said girl without their clothes.

What some people – especially some boys – which is shocking at our age – don’t know about is what the secret fashion life of girls is like. The fact is, deep down, we don’t like dressing up. We’re every bit as lazy as our masculine counterparts. If we don’t have to leave the house, we would happily languor about the house on the couch in our underwear watching re-runs of America’s Next Top Model. Even if we had to leave, for whatever reason, half of the time, some sweatpants and a tank-top or t-shirt – no doubt our pajamas of the day – would usually suffice.

Amber entered the room – justifying what I just mentioned – wearing nothing but her underwear, and a second bra around her neck like one would wear a necklace. Granted, even this can make any girl uncomfortable. But Amber has been my best friend since high school. We’ve learned to get used to seeing each other without clothes.

“The weather sucks,” she said with a hair clip in her mouth as I slipped on some my black slacks. “It might rain or snow at any time today.”

“I haven’t even looked out of the window. Maybe I should just keep my eyes closed all day and look at nothing bad in the day.”

“Yeah, including the stop lights, but I don’t think your insurance agent would like that,” she quipped, approaching me by my full-length mirror. She turned me around, and while I put on my gold locket, she ran her hands through my freshly cleaned hair.

“Did you get this cut recently?”

“A couple weeks ago,” I replied, “It’s grown out a lot already.”

“It looks good.” Even though she is talking about my hair, I know she is also talking about me and my future. We did this quite often with each other; we would hide compliments in our casual conversation, hoping the other would notice. It was comforting when we caught it.

“So what are we doing tonight?” I asked.

“I had been planning on a cake baking festival, followed by three or four cheesy romance movies all night long. But Laura decided she and her girl-thing want to go out to eat. And you know what that means,” she suggested with a prod. Laura is gay, and her ‘girl-thing’ is this girl she prefers to keep around to casually hook up with, though they have never officially dated. It offers significant humour for the rest of us.

“That’s lame. What about Jamie?”

“She left early, but she mentioned that she was going to some party.”

“That’s no fair,” I replied half joking, half serious.

“But, Jamie says it’s a party that her friend from work is throwing. It's supposed to be stressless and fun. Free alcohol and food. Eh? Intrigued, my darling?” She perked up my collar for me and I felt her frozen fingers glint against my warm skin.

I haven’t been to a party since the night before I became Allen’s girlfriend. We weren’t interested in parties when we were dating – we preferred to be layabouts at home, yet I secretly longed to be social like that once more. I missed the controlled, confined chaos – the arranged, aggregated anarchy - of a party. I missed such a diverse palette of socialization And today, maybe – just maybe – I wanted to keep myself occupied so I wouldn’t be forced to introspect about failed relationships all the live long night.

“Sure, I can tag along. As long as you’re going.”

“I’m going if you are, so let’s do it.”

“Cool. I may have a lot of work, but I’ll put it off if I have to. It’s Friday, anyway. I deserve it.”

“That’s the spirit,” Amber said. “Just call me when you’re on your way home.” She buttoned the middle button of my shirt, which I had forgotten, as I turned to look upon myself in the mirror. “It’ll be fine, dear,” she said, her soft, light voice wafting to my ears only louder than a whisper. “Things will get better, I promise.”

Showers in a locked bathroom, after-midnight in front of the television, while I’m doing my make-up, while I do something simple at work; this is when I start to think, start to dream, and start to think back. I think back on my feelings, on the past, on the future. I find my thoughts drift into the beautiful emotions of wonderful yet sour taste.

I have so much to think of. As for relationships, obviously, when you have been cheated on in nearly all of your serious relationships, there are no shortages in concepts, doubts, worries, or emotions to ponder. I think back to my choice in careers, and how they changed so suddenly from what I loved to what was practical. I wondered how I ended up living with my friends, in their house, and have yet to find a home to call my own.

Thoughts ebb and flow as the traffic lights blink happily at me while driving to work. How these glowing commanders know me better than I know myself. Driving to work – to home, wherever that may be – to anywhere – is one of those unconscious things for me. It takes no thought; the same streets, the same onramps and exits. It’s something you learn and know without a second thought, like the wrinkles on your face or the memorized lines in a movie you have seen countless times. Because of this, I tend to drift deep into thought while driving, and the traffic lights know about me.

They see me everyday. They see my happiness, but they also see my sorrow. They leer at me under the porcelain sky as they illuminate areas proximate with their ominous red glow, searching deep within me. They know how I have been hurt, and how hurt I feel. But I’d rather not dwell on that, as I once more habitually drive to work today.

And the blinking lights ushered me to the drudgery of life. But as I mentioned, I believe, once prior, the day was normal, but the night was unforgettable.





Faster, faster, faster, I say! Not a moment to spare – not a moment to lose. Come, stoplight! You impede my progress. Flare your approving green light, for I have places to be. Do this now, or I’ll run past you, paying you absolutely no mind.

I was printing out a set of copies (and actually doing my job for once) earlier. I was thirsty, and went to the vending machine. As the aluminum can came crashing down, it all hit me. I am going to a party tonight. Why not get excited? I haven’t done anything so eventful in longer than I care to recall.

The rest of the day, I moved with a bounce in my step; with a smile to match my stride. Yes, yes, random person walking next to me, with your cheap briefcase, I am attending a social gathering this fine evening. Yeah, guy who I forcibly traded cubicles with, I am enthused by this odd turn of events. Pff, glare away, lady with the papers; right now I extend you an ever rare smile. O, gossip away, gossip lady – my attendance of this soirée will be seen as often as an eclipse.

Elevator, elevator, take me home, I thought, as I waited for the strong doors to slide back and let me leave this ever-boring office floor. Low and behold, as they shifted sideways, Haitian the Intern stood before me, the sole occupant of the elevator. I shuffled in, pushing the ground floor button.

“Hey,” he said quietly, with a wave as the doors close. On any other day I would have said hello and have been done with the conversation. But not today.

“Hey, how are you doing today?” The large stack of papers he carried in his hands shuffled. I don’t think he planned on my reply. He quickly regained his composure

“It was actually alright,” he said. “Your name is Dylan, right?”

“Yeah. What was your name again?”

“Harsha.” He held his papers awkwardly with one arm, and we shook hands.

“Yeah, I’ve seen you around,” I said. The doors closed.

“Yep, I wander all over this building. That’s the fun part about being an intern. How was your day?”

“Very good. Actually, I’m going to a party tonight.” Maybe this is why I talked to him. Maybe I just wanted to brag.

“Very cool. Very lucky, too. I never have the time these days.”

“Yeah, I’m intrigued. I haven’t been to one in a long time. How about you? Any plans?”

“Oh, nothing special. I’ll just be seeing my girlfriend…”

Suddenly, the elevator shuddered to a worrisome stop. Harsha dropped a couple of papers to the floor. We both looked up to see what floor we’re on, but no lights were lit. After a few agonizing moments of silence and exchanged looks, I began to reach for the emergency phone. But with another shudder, the sleeping elevator awoke from its narcoleptsy.

“Anyway…” Harsha the Intern continued after a few moments, picking up his papers, “I’ll just be seeing my girlfriend. It should be fun.”

Ding, second floor. Harsha looked about the floor and stepped out. “Well, goodbye. Have fun at your party.”

“I will. You have fun too.”

“Thanks,” Harsha the Intern said as the heavy doors shut, and he bustled off to who knows where.

Faster, faster, faster, I say! I simply can not be late. Traffic, why today do you not speed the length of Lake Shore Drive to your boring suburban lives? Did you forget that this period of the day is called rush hour? Did this fact simply slip your mind? For I have places to be! My attention is demanded elsewhere!

Wait, wait, wait world! You clearly do not see how imperative my haste is. But to justify, listen to this phone conversation which I am about to have as I travel down the road. Pay attention!

“Hello?”

“Yo, Dylan, dude! You on your way?”

“Not yet. I haven’t even gone home yet because the traffic is retarded.”

“Alright, dude, it’s cool. Just make sure you find me when you get there. I’ll introduce you to some dudes, dude, and stuff.”

See, world? See?! My attention is demanded.

As I sifted through the tiresome, tumultuous traffic and finally made my way back to the dim, lonely, small apartment I lived in, I pondered what this party would actually be like. Jeff certainly played up the event; I doubt, in any event, that he would even deign parties of any nature as acceptable if they didn’t meet the mold of some intense curriculum. So if he graced these party-goers with his attendance, there must be some sort of intriguing pull to interest him. But will this be a frat party for the older crowd? I couldn’t even imagine the possibility.

Dress up and potentially look like a buffoon, or dress down and look awkwardly out of place? Up. Up, definitely. Button up shirt, jeans, blazer. I don’t look half bad, I surmised.

Front door, obviously you didn’t hear the discussion that was taking place earlier; I’m in a rush. Close, lock, car, roll down window, listen to music loud, cut off traffic…

The party was taking place a bit farther away than I thought, near Lake Zurich. I got lost looking for the house, but once I turned around, I found it. The driveway spilled parked cars into the street.

Clearly this was a fête of grand design. A raucous, jubilant, frivolous mood seemed to leak into the neighbourhood, giving the dark, quiet of the neighbouring houses a pulse. The party’s mood seemed nearly palpable.

The house itself stood a tall, generally large two stories, with a dark red brick and an overtly big garage door. Upon my entering the domicile, I came into a huge entry way that made full use of the height of the house. From first glance, to the right was a sitting room, stairs in front against the left wall, in the room directly to my left, a living room with a large entertainment system, and a dining room at the end of this grand entry.

Stepping through the front door seemed perilous. Countless guests milled about in all directions for innumerable reasons. All were speaking with one another, and the room seemed to echo every conversation, raising the volume to almost deafening levels. Maybe they knew each other prior, but all spoke as if this was a family reunion, and none in attendance were unknown. Others crossed the entryway into other rooms which were filled with more socialites. It was almost too crowded, as one whom was intending to navigate the room would have to be keen on their maneuvers through the bustle of attendees.

I remembered then that Jeff wanted me to find him, so I began to navigate the throng into the living room. I saw him immediately, surrounded by a gaggle of girls, just like the ol’ college guy I knew so well. With a red cup no doubt full of frothy beer in hand, he stood a towering monolith of impressively carved shoulders and immeasurable height amongst his peers.

I thought it keen to wait for his little feminine ensemble to disperse before approaching, but in moments, he caught sight of me and called aloud with his booming voice. “Dude, Dylan! Dude!” He said loud and merrily, a call which echoed from his gaggle for no apparent reason.

Instantly, his gaggle dispersed and he met me with one of the flock he had captured and contained within the circumference of his chiseled arm. “Dude, Dylan, glad you made it.” Never before had I seen the great Jeff Blankly blushing before; it was unbecoming of him. And his accompanying girl was far different than I imagined. This was a tame catch for Jeff Blankly.

“This is Candace.”

She met me with a handshake, “Nice to meet you, Dylan. Jeff has talked about you a lot.”

How awkward. “As he has mentioned you.”

Gorilla have no drink; gorilla need drink. “Hey babe, I need some more beer. Why don’t you introduce Dylan around?”

“Sure, hun,” she said with a coy smile before taking me by the arm to whisk me away. “So, how long have you known Jeff,” she asked after only a moment as the room pulsated with the laughter of the crowd.

“Since college, at NIU. Yourself?”

She let go of me and hugged her own body, letting her light blonde hair fall across her face. “High school. We were actually an item, for a little while, but you know how high school was…”

“All too well,” I said, thinking back about high school, which made me wince.

“Anyway, we randomly met again through one of the parties my friend held, like this one. And we just fell for each other again. It was exciting and thrilling to meet someone from my past, and to see them in a different light.”

“And interesting, no doubt,” I said after a short pause while people clamoured around us. “He seems to really like you.”

“Really?” she said more excited than I believe she intended. Her blush, her smile; I had never thought Jeff was a romantic sort of guy, so seeing a girl smitten over him was a truly unique event. “He has changed a lot since high school. Something seems to have rounded him out; like, if he was a puzzle, he has all his pieces in the right place.

“Actually, do you mind if I ask you a question?” she asked quickly.

“Sure.”

“Well, Jeff and I have gone on a lot of dates… and well, I guess what I mean is, do you really think he likes me? Do you think he might ask me to be his girlfriend? I mean… do you think I’m his type, and stuff?”

I looked at the situation as a true third party, “Yes. And you seem to see him as changed, and that’s good. Yes, I think he does like you.”

“Thanks,” she said smiling. She looked as if she were about to hug me, but decided against it. “Well, let’s get you to meet some of the folks here.” Candace then began to guide me around the party to several different people who I greeted without thought. A group of guys playing quarters, several people in line for Rock Band, many others dancing. Outside, I saw that the fluffy clouds which hung over the city all day had finally let their snow fall to the ground.

Greet the man named Stephen who assures me that he is a famed movie director. Greet the woman named Catherine who is apparently doing something with engineering and assures me that she’s not already drunk. Greet the woman named Joanna who works at the Art Institute downtown.

The room was filled with fairly typical faces, and I was quickly becoming tired of this dull tour of uninteresting people I was being taken on. I was about to weasel my way out, but couldn’t think of the right thing to say as Candace guided me through to the next candidates on this lackluster game show. “And this is Michael, who does some awesome things with computers.” Shake his hand, “And this is his friend Jerry who… um…”

“Oh, I sodder phones,” he said proudly, extending his rough paw for a handshake. Truly fascinating, Jerry; I am thoroughly impressed.

“And let me introduce you to Kevin. And is this your new girlfriend, Kevin?”

“Yeah, Teresa.” He smiled, and opted to grope Teresa’s breast and kiss her instead of offer me a handshake, after which he nonchalantly grinned.

“And let’s see, here is Adriana, who’s in accounting.”

“Hi,” I mumbled as I shook her hand while she burped under her breath.

“Oh! I didn’t see you come in!” Candace said, talking to the new guest. “Dylan, I’d like you to meet my friend Jamie, and her friend Amber. Hey Amber, this is a friend of that guy I like that I told you about. And… I’m sorry, I don’t remember your friend’s name.”

I was sipping the cup of beer that I had been distracting myself with, mid-handshake, when I nearly choked. I don’t know whether the name caught me or her sight in my periphery, but the realization struck me that I knew her. And I didn’t just know her, I knew her. I almost instinctively hid like a turtle, but my lack of a shell made this difficult.

I know her, I know her, I know her… Her name is a blank, but I know her! I dated her in high school. Serious dating; serious relationship, but her name...

“Sarah,” my ex-lover said.

“Sarah!” Candace said with abundant enthusiasm.

“Sarah…” I mumbled. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah…




The snow from the porcelain sky that remained all day long had finally begun to fall around six, when I made my way through the car park at work. My supervisor, a 52 year old woman with a strong leer, was usually quite strict. But thankfully she understands that things happen. I was crying after everything that happened at the beginning of the week, and she tried to talk things through with me. I didn’t get too detailed, but she was sympathetic. I asked if I could leave a little early today, and she allowed it.

I didn’t need to explain myself to those voyeurs, the traffic lights. They understood how I felt. They knew I was pained, and how I held my breath for ten seconds when I felt stressed. They knew I was excited to do something different to clear my mind and relieve myself from this mess that I’ve found myself in.

The roads were slowly becoming slick by the time I got home. Amber was out, and I didn’t know where she could have gone. I went to the shower and, once more, was naturally forced to dwell on my circumstances. The circumstances being that I don’t believe I am capable of ever falling in love, or at least, in love with anyone who’s willing to treat me right; the way I deserve to be treated. The circumstance being that I feel I’ve lost all foresight and initiative in life; like I have lost my purpose for being. The circumstance being that I seemingly wasted my entire life now that I am pursuing a career I never wanted to pursue and that I let my passions dissolve, simply melt away, just like the snow that landed on the hot streets outside or the cold air within the steam filled bathroom, where I sit and steam in my own thoughts like rice.

I’m out of the shower and feel frozen with my wet hair. Several minutes went by as I blew my hair dry while I watched the gathering snow outdoors. My story – the story of my life – the story, most of which I have already explained – seems almost unbelievable. The cruelty and deceit and lies and the quirks of the steps fate took in my life pained me, strained my mind, wore at my body. The feelings are constant and exhausting, with no relief.

I don’t remember when exactly, but when my hair dried, my body unconsciously took me to bed, instantly putting me to sleep. I had a dream: I was on a ship. I was alone, and navigating by myself, but was doing poorly. When I checked the maps of the course, there was a single circle drawn. Five times, ships had sailed near my own, and petitioned me to board. But every time I called back that I wished to board them, the ships silently sank into the blue abyss.

The last thing I remember is that I had somehow managed to sail south. The weather and waters became bitter cold until finally the ocean was frozen all together. I disembarked my vessel and traveled the lonely, bleak, flat mass of frozen water by foot, with no landmarks in sight besides my moored ship in the distance. Finally, after countless hours of exploration, I saw a ship marooned in the distance, stuck, completely frozen into the slab of ocean ice. And no normal ship, but a ghost ship; one of the ships I had witnessed sinking earlier. My heart trembled at the sight, but I went in search of the dead captain.

I woke up to Amber moving my shoulder. She was almost finished dressing in a white and blue blouse and a neat skirt. “Ready to go sleepy head? And in shorts and a t-shirt? Stylish.”

“Where did you go?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.

“Long story short is that I just went out. But c’mon, we’re probably going to be late. Hey, why don’t you put on that cute black dress?”

Soon, we sped down the highway as the snow fell all around like it did in the movies. As she said, when we arrived, the party was in a mode of full celebration, and we parked far down the street and hobbled in our heels to get to the house before we were blanketed in snow like the ground.

The party seemed to be an interesting affair, not in a way I particularly enjoyed. The entryway was packed full, and I had something alcoholic put in my hand by a stranger within moments; I only accepted it because I craved its warmth as I made my way upstairs to a nameless room with countless coat hangers and put away my jacket. The wine, my random endowment of alcohol, tasted very rich, and helped me to get comfortable in the tremendous and busy house.

The gadabout attendees were among The Aging Young-Adult Brigade, all of whom were about my age, some much older, but few souls younger. All were doctors, or businessmen; advertising extraordinaires, and school teachers, and translators alike, and that’s just to name a very few. But the guests were overall a rowdy lot, with hollers, and yells, and dance gyrations, and alcoholic consumption all too familiar from a college party. This was a college party with slightly more mature attendants, though you might not have noticed.

Like a lonely puppy, I followed Amber around and only talked to who she spoke to. But she knew quite a few people, and it was comforting to be around someone who knew so many strangers. We found Jamie later, though she was thoroughly wasted, and I didn't speak to her much.

We were speaking with some girl named Martha, who was apparently a medical intern, when I heard a voice coming our way from across the room, “…see you come in! Dylan, I’d like you to meet my friend Jamie, and her friend Amber. Hey Amber, this is a friend of that guy I like that I told you about. And… I’m sorry, I don’t remember your friend’s name.”

I couldn’t believe it. I simply could not believe what stood before me. Before I answered, because this friend of Amber and Jamie was undoubtedly speaking to me, I looked up. And I froze at the sight of a dead captain. A stream of thoughts blurred my vision: Thoughts of faded photos, traffic lights, school dances, lost relationships, art schools, make outs, big fights, favourite songs… my life.

“Sarah,” I mumbled as normally as I could manage.

“Sarah!” echoed Amber’s friend, Candace.

“Sarah…” came a quiet, slow third echo from my ex-lover.

“How are you doing, Amber? It feels like it’s been forever!” Candace and Amber hug.

Marsha quietly made her exeunt along with Jamie as Amber replied. “It has been awhile,” she said. She doesn’t recognize him, which is probably for the better. ‘I’ve just been real busy with work,” Amber continued, “I recently got promoted, so there’s just so much to do.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know the feeling. I’ve hardly had any free time lately. I’m just glad my Saturdays are still expendable and I can throw these little get-togethers with my friends.”

“They’re great – I really enjoy them, Candace.” Amber said as I looked at him. He hasn’t taken his view off me, even though he has continued to stare into his red plastic cup of beer.

“So, this is a friend of that guy I told you about, Dylan.”

“Yeah, I think we’ve met before,” I said. Amber gave me a questioning look as he finally looked away from his drink, directly at me, smiling.

“Once or twice, yeah,” he replied. “Not in awhile, though.”

“Well, that’s good! I just met him tonight,” Candace admitted.

This speaking wonder of wonders, this plane scraping the sea blue sky, this scar on my porcelain skin is the traffic light against the wall of clouds. He is the red and the green. He is the full circle.

I wanted to stop thinking, so naturally, I pursued the nearest distraction, which happened to be my wine glass. It was unfortunate to note that it was empty after the fact.

“Candace! There you are!” someone shouted above the falderal.

“Oh, Amber, I want to introduce you to this girl.”

“You go ahead. I think I’ll talk with him for awhile,” I told Amber as Dylan attempted to look cool while drinking his beer.

“You sure?”

“Positive. Tonight should be interesting.” Amber gave me a strong hug before she was flown away by her friend like a kite. And there, the boy and girl met again.




I can’t believe it. Of all the places, of all the times, and of all the people, it was here, at a party, introduced like strangers by a friend of a friend in the darkening evening of the snowy night. And it was Sarah… Sarah… I can’t believe…

“And how are you doing?” she asked as Candace skirted away with Sarah’s friend.

“I’m… I’m doing alright,” I blubbered out with a stutter. “And yourself?”

She thought for several moments that drop like autumn leaves, “I’m doing alright too.” She spoke above the noise of the raucous parties, and the need for her to raise her volume is not becoming her.

“Let’s find a more quiet room to talk in,” I suggested. Slowly, we squeezed our way past the oblivious inebriated until we are back in the entryway. There, she pointed up the stairs as the loud music from the next room blared throughout the rooms of the house. We climbed the stairs, dodging beer toting men.

Upstairs was significantly more calmed, with fewer people who were not being obnoxious. There was a sitting room with the door open, which had a large window that looked out on the front yard. It was now raining – pouring – in fact. The only people in the room were a couple on the far couch, taking no notice of us as they continued to whisper to each other romantically.

We sat down on the other couch. I gazed upon her quietly as she finished off the remainder of wine in her glass with a sip. Millions of questions ran through my head; thousands of statements that I wanted to state that just wouldn’t come out.

And she just looked at me. Like we had never been apart in that entire period since high school; like she had been handcuffed to me all these years and was privy to all my actions; like she could see all my secrets like they were highlighted, or like she was the only person who had a matching decoder ring.

“So how are you actually doing?” she asked. “Whenever I see someone for the first time after a very long amount of time, I say, ‘Wow, I haven’t seen you in forever.’ But in your case, that statement seems somewhat more accurate. So, how are you actually doing?”

“I’m doing well,” I said, attempting to formulate some sort of thing to say which would make my life seem even the slightest bit more interesting than it actually was. That didn’t really work. “Just work, and the very seldom party, like this. Nothing special really.”

“Where are you working these days?”

“Just at your typical business firm. Nothing special, but it pays the bills. Actually, I’m in a somewhat prominent position.” Oh my God, who actually says that? “It doesn’t have a sophisticated title or anything, but I definitely get a lot of favours done for me.” I’m talking about work! What the hell is wrong with me? Am I 26 going on 40? Talk about something else!

“That actually sounds pretty interesting,” she said.

Wait, it was interesting! Maybe it was impressive! Wait, why do I care if it was impressive or not? Why am I not thinking right anymore? Get it together, Dylan! “And how are you doing? What are you doing?” I asked.

“Well, I’m alright. Not good, not bad – just alright. Life has been busy – tough. Though, I’m sure you know how that goes. Right now, I’m in advertising.”

I remembered now, when she walked across the stage for high school graduation, they said she was going to the Art Institute of Chicago like she always wanted to. “Cool. So you got into, like, graphic design for advertising?”

She winced for some reason. “No, just advertising. Nothing involved with art, actually.”

“Really? Not at all? Because, you know, you were pretty interested…”

“I know, and I was. But things changed.” She laughed, but I believe she laughed more at herself than because of what was said.

“So what happened, you know, after school?”

“Life happened, basically. After graduating, I went to the Art Institute of Chicago and was studying and such; the typical liberal arts school life. And… I don’t know… I made some friends who treated me well at first. But, like I said, life happened. My opinions – views – just changed because of what happened.

“So, slowly, my performance in school began to drop, along with my GPA. And I saw it all happening, and though I couldn’t figure out what in my inspiration that I lost... Well, in any case, it was just time for me to get out. So I quit arts school.”

“You quit?” I said, half wanting to get a word in, half honestly shocked. As long as I had known her, Sarah had always wanted to be an artist in some fashion. And she had talent in spades, even back in high school. I was sure (after it was over) that I’d eventually have to be viewing her works in museums everywhere, much to my lamentation, I assure.

“Yeah… quit,” she said quietly. I couldn’t hold the question any longer.

“So what was it that made you quit? I mean, you were really good, and it was what you always wanted. It’s just a shock you would ever give up something you cared about so much once you had the opportunity to experience it.”

She tilted her head and looked toward the lamp, obviously thinking deeply. After a moment, her clear voice rung like a bell through the laughter filled air of the party downstairs, which felt like a million miles away, “You’re right. I say without conceit, yes, I was a very good artist. And yes, for all my life, I wanted to pursue that so desperately. But things just happen. Things just happened.”

“What things? Sorry if I seem like I’m prying.”

She nods, “No, I understand. And… You know, normally I wouldn’t explain myself, and I would just hastily change the subject. But because you are who you are, and because we have our history, I guess I’m not afraid to tell you.

“Frankly,” she said as I waited with bated breath, while the loud bass from the floor reverberated slowly as the couple in the corner became more intimate, “it was a boy that caused this mess.”

I couldn’t stop a natural shudder. “A boy, huh?”

“Yep. His name was Drew, and I fell head over heels after meeting him in college. What, jealous?” she asked sarcastically.

I was jealous, so I blubbered out an awkward, “No.” She laughed as I tried to look away.

“In any case, his name was Drew. I really liked him, but strangely, enough, he didn’t like me as much as he thought. I’m sure you know what I mean.”

“He cheated on you?”

“Ten points for Dylan. Next question: What happened after Drew happened?”

It all suddenly made sense to me. “You kind of broke, since… well, since, you know. And when you broke, so did your ideals.”

“Perfect answer. I felt like I had perspective then, but when Drew cheated on me, I said to myself, ‘Well, maybe I don’t have the right perspective.’ So I dropped my ambitions and found new ones. And hoped for the best in future endevours.”

“Any luck?”

“Not really,” she said with a half-hearted smile. “But it’s your turn.”

For some reason, this question took me by surprise. “What do you mean?”

“Your turn to tell your story.”

“Um… which part?” I hate telling stories, mine most of all. The past has passed, and should just be forgotten.

“The whole part,” she said, with what I saw as a convincing, devilish smile.

Reluctantly, I began, “Well, after things… You know, things, I felt very changed. I’m sure you know all about that, and remember the whole lovely experience.” That was a joke, self-deprecating, and she laughed, but continued listening intently which I hoped she would not do.

“And, well, anyway,” I continued, “It was all over, and I felt pretty lost about everything. Then in a flash, graduation came and went, just like ourselves and our classmates. I had to move on. I was accepted at NIU and went off to college. It was alright, I guess, but the experience left me feeling empty. College felt obligatory, and I hated that.

“Then, I got the job I have now, and I had everything I was told I should have. And I hated that too.” Suddenly, the door opened and many people paraded through. The couple in the corner was interrupted and I scowled.

“You think there is anywhere still quiet?” she asked.

“Probably not.”

“Did you drive here?” she asked, and I nodded. “Take me home. I didn’t want to come here to begin with.”



The rain was pouring now, and the snow which had been out on the yards and roads had turned to slush. I told Amber that I was going home early. She asked if I was alright, and frankly, despite the circumstance, I was quite fine. It was definitely an interesting turn of events to run into Dylan like this, not to sound like a broken record, but again, despite the circumstance. But I feel like after all these years, Dylan is someone I can trust.

The car ride was silent, but it was the silence of a sleeping baby, not a boa constrictor; a calm silence. We took in and observed and felt each others proximity in the small square of the car as we sped down the highway with the pitch black Lake Michigan in the distance. In no time, we reached my home. Laura and her date weren’t there, which was for the best; I could connect with Dylan uninterrupted, which was the intention in coming here.

I let us in and we threw our jackets on the chairs as we plopped upon the couch. I let the TV sing to us as we remained silent just a little longer.

“What did you think when you first saw me?” I finally asked, nodding when he asked if I meant tonight.

“At first, I didn’t really recognize you. Then I almost didn’t believe it was you.”

“Why and why?”

“You’ve changed a lot.”

“How?”

He went silent, which was normal for him. He was always well thought out, and very eloquent because he had no haste in his speech; he took his time choosing his words. He has always been this way, even in high school.

“Many things about you. Little things. The words you say when you talk, the way you carry yourself. Even the way you dress. Though, I suppose that should be expected to change over the time that has passed.”

“Good point.”

There was a long silence filled by the quiet melody of the television. That was when he couldn’t stop himself. He put his arm around me; he soaked his tinder in gasoline so as to ensure the fire he was about to start would catch flame.

I moved away from him instantly. I wanted nothing to do with him physically nor emotionally. This was a chance rendezvous, not an exotic tryst. And instantly, I felt his accusing eyes leering at me with their stare.

“Why not?” he asked.

“You should know.”

“I don’t,” he said, moving closer. I kept him at bay.

“I don’t like you, Dylan. I have no feelings for you. You know that, you’re not stupid.” He backed down.

“I thought… I just thought…”

“Thought like you did twelve years ago?”

The insult stagnated, and I could feel the tension as if I were tuning a guitar string. I couldn’t stop the tears welling up in my eyes.

“You hurt me!” I blurted out finally, turning and hitting him. “You ruined me! Everything bad that has happened to me over the past eight years – every damn sour moment – every single lamentable moment – has all been my fault. But I can trace every regrettable action back to the actions you took to break my heart!”

“I didn’t mean to! You know that,” he pleaded.

“Of course you didn’t. Like the kids playing baseball. You didn’t mean to break the window. It just happened. It’s all fun and games until something gets broken.”

“I loved you, Sarah. You knew that.”

“A relationship is not just about loving or hating. It’s about your actions; it’s about your relationship with the other.” There was a long silence before I said, “And you ruined that relationship with your actions.”

“What more could I have said? You just stopped speaking to me. You just continued as if I didn’t exist.”

“Dylan, you cheated on me. What did you expect?”

He didn’t answer, but I wasn’t finished, “You know you’re saying all this business about love, and I believe you. I loved you too. But you went off with Kaitlin behind my back. It was immature and you know it. I don’t blame you for what has happened in my life, but you were the catalyst for everything that has happened since.”

A quiet whistled through the room. “It was a mistake, Sarah. I was drunk. Kaitlin had liked me for three years. It just happened. You wouldn’t even let me apologize.”

“Come on now, even I know when to admit immaturity. We had a good relationship and all you had to do was respect that. I chose to feel it, and you couldn’t choose.” Another deafening silence. “There’s one thing I want to say, so I’ll be brave. Do you remember Robert?”

“Your boyfriend before me?”

“Yes. I remember him. He was a cute boy and he treated me right. But I was only a freshman in high school. I was stupid. And when we, you and I, met at that party, way back then, I was smitten.”

He was glowing, so I brought him back to Earth, “But that was wrong. You and I kissed, and I fell for you. And I broke up with Robert for you. That was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that – I broke his heart. I regret it every day; it was the biggest mistake of my life.

“But you knew you shouldn’t have done anything like that with me, making me cheat on him. Especially if you loved me. I’m not blaming you, but there would have been no reason to make a move while I was in a relationship if you really loved me like you said you did.”

I turned off the TV and looked back at him again. We looked at each other quietly.

“So you have no feelings for me?” he asked.

“I’m not sorry I met you. I’m not sorry it’s over. I’m not sorry… there’s nothing to say.”

“There’s nothing to say,” he repeated.

We remained silent. After a long time, one which I couldn’t imagine how long the silence was, Dylan finally moved. He leaned over and touched my face. We kissed each other. Then, quietly, he crossed the room, put on his jacket, and disappeared into the night of snow.

We’ll both turn out fine. Eventually things will work out for both of us. We won’t be losing anything but time and a face. It was like a bad fairy tale: the long lost captain came from his sunken ship and met with the one he left on shore. Then the girl screamed, “Your ex-lover is dead! You are dead to me!” And with that, Dylan walked away.

Live through this, and you won’t look back. There’s nothing to say.